Hormones. Oh, yes…
Women have hormones.
Those hormones affect the way they think and act.
It’s not a conspiracy, okay? Most women are willing to admit it- or if they won’t admit it they bite their tongue because they feel that an admission will negate the reality of what they’re dealing with. Let’s say you drop a two-by-four on your foot. It hurts. You curse. Your wife rolls her eyes and says, “it’s just the two-by-four, honey.”
Well, sure, you’re only cursing because of the swelling and bleeding as a result of the big piece of wood that was kissing your toes- but it still hurts, right?
Women’s hormones are much the same. We can’t control when or how they affect us. We’re aware of them and aware of their power over us. When we tear up during a bath soap commercial with a cute baby or when we get really really angry just because you fail to make eye contact with us, and we know it’s been 26 days since the last time we felt this way, that doesn’t suddenly negate what we are feeling. Regardless of why the emotion is there, it’s there, and we have to cope with it, and anyone else saying, “it’s just the hormones” will make us want to chew off their head and lay our bloody eggs in their mangled carcass. (And, no, I’m not purposefully using strong language to hammer in my point. If evolution is real, there’s some seriously strange stuff banging around that double helix of ours…)
The point I’m trying to make is that people need to respect hormones and their power- and not just for one week out of the month. Women’s hormones are their constant companion, and their power can be harnessed for either good or evil. If you can learn to work with them for good, you’ll have a much happier life. Does your girl toss and turn at night? Chances are she’s low on serotonin, a very important little hormone that helps the body achieve deeper and more restful sleep, stimulates the production of hormones that help govern happiness, and is all around a wonderful little bundle of protons and neurons. Serotonin can help be produced simply by being exposed to sunlight for more than twenty minutes a day and by engaging in physical activities.
This means that you can help your significant other, and help yourself as well. Go for walks together. While you’re walking, hold her hand and rub her neck. Physical touch and intimacy helps in the production of another key hormone, oxytocin. We all know oxytocin- it’s that feeling of euphoria you have in a new relationship, as well as one of the key hormones governing uterine contractions and causing the bonding between mother and child. This means that, ironically, regular intimacy will help your partner crave regular intimacy. I’m not saying, “have sex with her and she’ll want to blow your mind more often”- just touch her, hold her, kiss her, comfort her, and you’ll be opening doors to worlds of new experiences.
Also- be aware of the natural arc of a woman’s hormones. There’s one week a month that you know to get out of the house as much as possible- but are you aware that for the seven to fourteen days leading up to that week your woman is a melting pot of hormonal goodness? The hormones that help her release an egg and prime her to receive it also make her want to do the thing that fertilizes it as much as possible. So, go enjoy yourselves- just do it with protection if you’re not wanting to get her pregnant.
Now, since we can’t ignore the fact that women can get a little psychotic when all of those good hormones dissipate, here is a simple guide to communication during the weak of PAIN:
Bad: “You’re so hormonal.”
Better: “It must be hard being a woman.” (only good if you aren’t. If you are, just say, “I’m sorry.”)
Best: “I picked up some ice cream. All for you!”
Bad: “You’re being totally unreasonable.”
Better: “I can understand where you’re coming from.”
Best: “You are unequivocally right.”
Bad: “You took the comfy side of the bed.”
Better: “Would you like my pillow as well?”
Best: “I’ll sleep on the couch so you can get really comfortable.”
Bad: “You want to watch that movie again?”
Better: “The ending is sort of cute I guess.”
Best: “I’ll run to the store and get you more ice cream.”
Bad: “You’re still crying about that movie?”
Better: “I felt sort of touched as well.”
Best: “Why don’t we cuddle and cry together?”
Supreme goodness: “I’ll hold you and you can finish my ice cream.”
jaklumen replied:
Is there any evidence that a man’s hormones influence him in any way?
I don’t mean to detract from the point of your post, but y’know, all I can recall that was said on such was usually derogatory or self-depreciating, often with the implication that it was irrelevant or otherwise not worthy of consideration.
I trust you have some sort of answer.
March 14, 2008 at 1:27 pm. Permalink.
shush replied:
Some men (especially older men who have been married a long time) start to have mirror-cycles much like a woman’s menstrual cycles.
Plus, serotonin and oxytocin have just as powerful an affect on men, so having a mutually intimate and active relationship is beneficial on all sides. I suppose it’s easy to overlook the masculine on this issue because most men will give women a hard time about hormones and it very rarely goes the other way.
March 14, 2008 at 1:32 pm. Permalink.
lady3ug replied:
Kudos!
March 14, 2008 at 2:14 pm. Permalink.
amberfireinus replied:
Another winner…. my husband had a good laugh before work this morning.
I would like to share something with you because I found it so unbelievable. About two years ago, I went to a oriental female gynecologyst. I told her about my painful periods, and my weight fluctuation, chocolate need blah blah. She looked me right in the eye and said that there is no such thing. I said, pardon me? She went on to say what complaining babies women were and how much they make this stuff up in their heads. This from a woman doctor!
I went to my GP, and she was horrified! She wanted to march over to that doctor herself and tell her about her own PMS etc and say how she suffers. How dare she!
I carry what I call my Anti-Bitch pills. Naproxin for all of you ladies who don’t know. 2 500 mg tabs and the pain, backache and bloating and moodiness will go. Just during your time of the month. The time leading up to it, you are on your own sister. I would suggest the steps that shush laid out for your husband to follow.
March 14, 2008 at 3:02 pm. Permalink.
e2c replied:
Brava, shush!!! (I’m still laughing.)
amberfireinus, a lot of East Asian people (even highly educated people, like the doc you saw) don’t accept Western ideas about mental illness, so it stands to reason that they might not be on the same track re. hormones, too. It’s a cultural thing, not a matter of intentional insensitivity or rudeness. (I had quite a shock when I 1st encountered this way of thinking, believe me!)
March 14, 2008 at 4:55 pm. Permalink.
Pixiemom replied:
I’ll take dark chocolate over the ice cream since I’m very lactose intolerant, but my wonderful husband knows this. It is on hand every month, as well as M&Ms for the beforehand week.
My husband likes to tell every newly married man tips on how to handle their new wife during these hormonal fluctuations. One of his tips: Whatever they crave during that week, let them have. Another: Backrubs are good too. After the week is over, you usually get rewarded. LoL
I count myself as a lucky woman who has a husband willing to put up with me. Some stressful things have happened recently and that always makes me even more emotional. Yesterday, when I picked him up from the train station, I was in tears over how the house looked. After getting home, he watched the kids and let me take a bath, and this morning he went into work later than normal to help get the house looking better before leaving. He’s a sweetheart.
March 14, 2008 at 6:24 pm. Permalink.
I’m not quite sure who was inspired, my husband or me! « Amberfireinus’s Weblog replied:
[...] my husband dressed, I was laughing my head off at an article written by one of my blogger friends shush, regarding women and Hormones. It was so good, I had to share it with him. We both laughed and [...]
March 15, 2008 at 1:51 pm. Permalink.
goldnsilver replied:
Maybe I’m just strange here, or have extremely light periods, but I’m not controlled by hormones in the way many of the women are talking here.
When I have my period I get tired and feel ill, but my behaviour doesn’t change. I believe in the concept of physical illness (bloating, tiredness, headaches, pain) but not the so called PMS. I don’t relate to women who feel that it makes them entitled to treat others like shit.
I agree with the asian gyno. I think that western women are brought up with the concept and therefore pay more acute attention than necassary to the way they feel when they menstrate. Asian women are biologically the same, they just know the harden up and continue with life rather than feeling that people owe them something for feeling a certain way.
I’m not saying that its bad that a boyfriend or partner will do little things to help the situation, but please ladies, don’t get into the mindset that you should be given special treatment. It will only lead to bad things, because your partner can’t spend a quarter of your relationship apologising for not also having his period.
April 19, 2008 at 11:49 pm. Permalink.