Curses and Foul Language
***disclaimer- I will use a lot of actual language in this post, not #$%^, as the nature of this post is to address language frankly
Here is something that every Christian tradition treats differently: foul language. There are some traditions in which even mild language such as “heck” or “crap” gets a raised eyebrow. Others in which one might get away with calling someone a bitch but not saying “Dear Lord!” as an expletive. There are several reasons for this discrepancy. The first is that language itself is fluid. Words and their meanings and their acceptance in society changes over time. Women may have fainted in the past should a man have told them to “go to Hell!” and these days that language is crabbily used on cashiers that give the wrong change, only sometimes to raised eyebrows. Even words that were utterly taboo ten years ago are more or less commonplace now. Women no longer even seem to blush at being referred to as a bitch. In fact, some wear it on their shirts in rhinestone letters.
So where does Christianity go with this cultural phenomenon? Language being fluid, the only real way to judge what is truly foul language is by the intent of the speaker and the interpretation of the hearer. That is, it’s foul if you mean it to be foul or if the hearer feels it is. The second of those two things is why I myself rarely curse- I wouldn’t want someone to misinterpret my words, and it’s easier to be clear when using language that everyone interprets the same.
But what does the Bible say? That’s where it gets a little trickier. Matthew 5:22 says (paraphrased) that anyone who calls his brother a fool is in danger of Hellfire. I would say that calling your sister a bitch is worse than calling your brother a fool, so that does indeed seem to be a caution against harsh language of any kind, foul or acceptable. The Bible does caution us against the kind of language we use, like in James 3 where the tongue is compared to a rudder of a ship- a small thing with great power. And we’ve all heard this proverb, said by Jesus himself in Luke 6: “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” These cautions seem to be against our intent when speaking, not the actual words we say.
So my words, whenever I am asked about what the Bible says about foul language, is to say, “the Bible doesn’t say anything about specific words, because they didn’t use the same language as us. But the Bible does say a lot about the kind of people we are and what our hearts lead us to say.”
The point really isn’t the words, the point is the heart. I myself rarely curse because I don’t want to offend people in my hearing. If I don’t know what a fellow Christian believes about cursing I don’t do it. If I’m in the company of non-Christians, I’ll wait to test the waters and watch myself. If I know the company I’m in and I know they won’t be offended, I speak as I wish. But even then I rarely curse. When I do it’s to get people’s attention or for dramatic affect. There’s one time I remember clearly, where I was talking to a young man in a youth group I was co-pastoring at the time. He kept talking about how stupid he was and how he couldn’t seem to get any self-control and he thought everyone hated him, and on, and on, and on, so he got drunk the other night and-
I said, “just stop that fucking shit.”
He stopped talking, and started listening.
Did I use foul language? That depends. The words I used may have been unsavory, but I wasn’t trying to offend him, I was trying to cut him off. I was trying to get him to listen. And the words that followed weren’t cruel, they were about the kind of man I knew he could be, about how God saw him as a son and wanted him to be loved and to accept that love. So was I being foul? I don’t really think so.
It’s about intent and perception. After all:
Proverbs 27:14
If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.
amberfireinus replied:
Interesting post. I admit to cursing, but never towards another person. (I might refer to them as an asshole or jerk in anger to another, but I would not call them a name to their face). I don’t believe in calling names. That is just ignorant. My vocabulary is extensive enough that I can tell someone exactly what I am thinking without having to resort to using bad language to do it. What is the point?
Usually my cursing is general. If I make a mistake or do something I feel is dumb on my part. Usually it is in my own home.
As a lady, I do not feel it appropriate to openly curse outside in polite company. It just makes one look well..it is not what I want to project to the world about myself.
My family are BIG cussers. After being around them for a while, I pick it up sometimes. My husband always says I need two days to get back to my normal self after being with them. Every other word is used just like it was normal language. Shocking.
I had a teacher in school, who used to correct the kids cussing in such a nice way. I have never forgotten it. He used to say simply: “Use other language to describe how you are feeling”. Simple and well put.
The idea that someone would refer to themselves as a Bitch is something that shocks me every time I see it. There are some words that I refuse to even pass my lips they are so vile and degrading. Yet, people refer to their LOVED ONES in that way. How can you cherish someone and abuse them verbally like that? I don’t get it.
April 14, 2008 at 2:03 pm. Permalink.
shush replied:
I often get annoyed with people who curse with impunity just because I feel it lacks imagination. To call someone who is acting ignorantly a stupid $%^&head doesn’t take much thought. To tell them how they are being ignorant and what you truly think of them takes THOUGHT. Plus, if one’s intent is to offend, I find it’s ultimately more offensive to (for example) tell someone that they are acting completely ignorant and must have never even had a conversation with anyone who disagreed with them before and they are hardly worth the energy it takes to expel words in their direction is MORE offensive than to simply say, “you stupid @#$%head”.
When I do curse it’s either in jest, with people I know will find it funny (because, honestly, a petite little blond stay-at-home mom cursing like a sailor is amusing) or it’s for dramatic affect when I know it will get people’s attention.
Oh, and the self-labeling disturbs me, as well. Why would a woman want to give everyone who sees her on the street a bad impression of herself? It doesn’t make sense.
April 14, 2008 at 4:28 pm. Permalink.
e2c replied:
“Bitch” is still degrading, and I can’t imagine a time when it won’t be, in some form or another. (Just like all kinds of racial/ethnic epithets [sp?].) I’ve personally never heard it used in anything like a happy or “empowering” way, though some folks might think that they can pull that off - and, if they’re using a heavy dose of irony, it might work. (Maybe.)
There are cultural things going on as well - the use of the f-word in NYC and nearby, for example. And even occupational things: my dad was a sailor (merchant marine) and he was *supposed* to talk tough at work. But he rarely did it at home (other than saying “hell” and “damn” a lot.) I never heard the f-word pass his lips, though he certainly did say it around my brothers and, at times, my mom.
When I was a teenager, I cursed a LOT - I wanted to be liked, and perceived as cool, and I thought that was the way to do it. That lasted until my conversion at 16. I do swear now, though not regularly, and usually very privately. Sometimes it’s a good way to let off some steam (in private). It has taken years for me to understand that anger per se is not wrong - that it’s what you do with it that matters. But that’s a whole separate topic!
April 14, 2008 at 6:33 pm. Permalink.
anita replied:
Crap was a swear word in our house,jeez earned you a long slow walk to your bedroom, and anything worse…well…it never happened. As a result I barely uttered a gosh throughout adolescence and then it was off to a conservative Bible college where drinking resulted in being expelled, women could only wear pants if they were involved in a team sport or washing their car (I couldn’t even make that up!) and so swearing…go figure. It wasn’t until my 30’s that my plunge into four letter words began which only increased when I moved to the Bay area and made the mistake of thinking I could actually drive a car on the freeways between 3:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. and get somewhere. Still, if I slip it’s usually because of a nut in the car in front of me who insists on confusing “yield” with “stop”, my cat leaping onto my gut in the middle of the night, or an untimely collision of toe to table leg. I’ve ever used an expletive to refer to another person which is due more to having been at the receiving end of “fat bitch” in my youth than out of self-righteous smugness. Names hurt so I don’t use them, and I use swear words sparingly and only at home because I don’t think they sound particularly intelligent coming out of my mouth and because I have a history of many long slow walks to my bedroom that remind me to be mindful of my language.
April 15, 2008 at 2:13 am. Permalink.
Brian Alexander replied:
I agree that it is your heart not your words. Word only have power because we give them power.
I think that Christians get hung up because that is what we have always been told and most people haven’t stop to think “Why”
April 15, 2008 at 3:28 am. Permalink.
e2c replied:
“…women could only wear pants if they were involved in a team sport or washing their car…”
My mind is boggling!
April 15, 2008 at 3:45 am. Permalink.
M54 replied:
I think the general premise of trying to equate the “Body of Christ” with what has become what you lable as “Christian tradition” is quite planely preposterous. Over the centuries Christ’s message of love and salavation has been poluted to fit various denominations to fit the church of the season. When Jesus told Peter “Upon this rock I will build My church”. He wasn’t saying that Peter was all that and a bag of chips and He was going to be the first Pope to head the church. Jesus was speaking of the knowledge the Father had imparted to Peter, that Jesus was the Son of God. When man began charging the pilgrams for this and that is when things got all messed up. I mean, imagine Jesus saying, “My child, for x amount of money I will see that your prayer is answered.” Preposterous!
To use your course example: imagine Jesus the Christ in order to minister to any of the sinners written about in the Bible to get their attention He said to them “shut the f’ up”. So in order to minister to this sinner He has to lower Himself to the lowest common denominator? He has to reach down to their level?Hardly.
You mention Luke 6 as being the verse that says out of your mouth the heart speaks. I think you meant Matthew 12:
34You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
That pretty much says it all.
But just in case… Look at Ephesians 5:
3But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; 4Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. 5For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. 7Be not ye therefore partakers with them. 8For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: 9(For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth
10Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. 11And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
Finally, you mentioned “co-pastering” this one is specifically aimed at leaders and those who aspire to leadership positions.
James 3: 1Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.
Ouch!
So the short answer to does all that bad language mean anything. Yep it sure does.
May 8, 2008 at 1:22 am. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
M54: I may not know a LOT of things, but I know my scripture!
Luke 6:43-45:
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”
It’s easy to confuse references without specific chapter and verse- especially paraphrasing as I did- because the Gospels all reflect each other and some of the passages are really quite similar.
As for me equating the “body of Christ” with “Christian tradition”- I did nothing of the kind, sir! Christ’s true body (that is, those who follow him and act as his hands and feet) couldn’t be further removed from much of Christian tradition. Do I think that the Body of Christ ought to be performing inquisitions, selling indulgences, or burning witches? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But that is what a lot of people think of when they think of Christian Traditions, because a lot of people (as you yourself just did) think of Christian tradition and immediately think of the mistakes of Catholicism.
I think very carefully about what I say and the way in which I say it. My primary vocation is as an author- (aside from, of course, as a mother and wife) and words are my business. You will never catch me, for one, misquoting scripture or quoting it out of context. And you will certainly never catch me saying A when I truly mean B. I said Christian Tradition, because I was speaking of something rigid. That is, I was speaking of thousands of years of Christianity and Catholicism and the way in which things have traditionally been taught. That whatever language is considered impolite in current society should never be used by Christians. I was not speaking on behalf of the entire body of Christ or speaking of the entire Body of Christ, simply of an overall accepted norm in the traditional teachings. They are only the same thing in so much as that we are what we produce.
And as for your saying, “Imagine the Christ”… I have, many times. I imagine with the company he kept that whatever was considered the taboo language of the time was probably commonplace. I don’t know whether or not Christ did use that kind of language (who could know?) but he certainly would not have been judgmental about it’s use. The irony in ALL of this is that while you and I might consider such words foul, the company in which I myself would use them only considers them foul coming from my mouth BECAUSE of the fact I rarely use them. Language is fluid, meanings do change. I can remember a time where if I said “What the Hell?” I’d get my tush spanked, and now cashiers casually say “Hella good.” when you have correct change. It probably gives my grandmother heart attacks.
But I am aware of the way that most (sorry for the gross generalization) Christians feel and thus I do not use foul language loosely. I respect the tradition as well as the reason for it. For it IS noble to be like light, it IS noble to be purer, and it IS noble to seek to speak with holiness. Please take note that while with this post while I may have been challenging the norm I was not condemning it.
May 8, 2008 at 11:47 am. Permalink.
M54 replied:
Lindsey, thank you so much for your resonse. Honestly, thank you. As for being a “challenging response” please feel free. I openly and (almost) eagerly look to have my views of Holy Scripture challenged. Being challenged gives me reason to more deeply delve into their meanaing.
If you have a moment would you mind addressing: Eph 5:4
Now about your “primary vocation”… you say is an author aside from a mother and a wife and words are your business. I guess it depends on what is meant by “vocation”. Certainly “vocation” does not mean highest calling or priority because that (as you know) would be God, husband, children, job, etc.
Perhaps more later. I have that funeral for my 29yr old friend who died of a heart attack on Sunday. His young wife, 4yr old and 7 month old daughter all looked so precious last night at the wake. I used your words too “There are no words. Except to say, God is with you and so war we.” She was so gracious and was worried about us when she said, “This can’t be easy for you either”. Referring to Buddy’s death only 15 mos ago.
Lindsey, I am not a wordsmith, nor am I smooth at this keyboard. It is never my intent to cause harm. I am just a regular guy who has worked with his hands all his life and has studied Scripture on my own and attended one of those local “Bible Colleges”. I fully expect that as Holy Scripture says revelation knowledge will be fluid.
Now off to more pressing matters.
May 8, 2008 at 12:52 pm. Permalink.
M54 replied:
Just as a brief follow-up on Proverbs 27:14
“He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.”
Meaning excessive flattery, public praise, etc. Anyone who goes out of their way to publicly announce what a great guy you are will have ulterior motives. The Bible refers to this type of manipulation as witchcraft and it will bring a curse.
May 8, 2008 at 10:00 pm. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
M54: I apologize for taking so long to respond to this one- I wanted to take time to really think about and pray about my response.
Firstly, the verses you provided from Ephesians are really fundamentally good. I think they can often be misused, but they are still great. They speak a lot to what I talked about in my post- that is, intent, and the attitudes of our heart. We, as Christians, should not waste our time on selfish pursuits. Our time together should be focused on the giving of thanks, not coarse language or joking around. Again- isn’t it about who we are? If we are the sort of people who give thanks, if we avidly pursue holiness? Certainly the words we say and the way in which we say them is a great part of that- but that has to do with far, far more than cursing. It is about the conversations we have, our heart focus, the face we show the world.
A question I often ask myself is, “when people think about me, do they think about God? Does my life cause people to see God as more or less real?”
That is my focus.
And your interpretation of the verse in Proverbs is really terrific. Thanks for that.
May 9, 2008 at 2:08 pm. Permalink.