Roots first.
I have planted a garden in my backyard. The seeds went into the ground almost two weeks ago, and the little green heads of the plants are just starting to break ground. What exactly have they been doing all of this time, I ask myself? Waiting for the right weather? Canoodling each other?
They’ve been putting down roots.
The roots have to be well established before the stalk is formed, and the stalk has to be well established before the leaves unfurl, and the leaves have to unfurl before fruit can be born. There is a natural order to these things, and that order must be observed for the plant to survive.
People are the same way. You can’t judge them by their fruit before you see where their roots are. You can’t expect them to be spreading out in faith to receive before their stalks have formed. You’ve got to let them do things in the right order. Allow me to explain. Come with me.
A young girl enters your church, and by rumor you learn that she’s “living in sin”. Now is not the time to approach her about her sin, though, is it? She’s only been known to you for a few hours. So you introduce yourself, you treat her warmly. You and the other members of your church are now preparing the soil for her to take root in. You need to foster an environment where she can grow, give her the “water” of the spirit and the “light” of the Son. Perhaps now she chooses to plant herself in your congregation.
Do you now approach her?
No.
You give her time for her roots to harden off, and for her to put that stalk up from the soil and for those leaves to spread. You expose her to the proper teachings, put her into a mentoring relationship with a trusted elder, you give her a chance to form friendships and become well and truly established in your garden.
Do you now approach her?
Test the waters, see what is there. Has she been allowing herself to be discipled? Showing signs of sincerity and change? If so, a confrontation becomes uneccessary because God himself is tending to her. Allow the process to complete. Has she been questioning the precepts of faith? Showing doubt or discomfort? If so, a confrontation could nip her faith in the bud. Allow time for her to warm and soften, and see where the process goes.
Is she professing to have faith and to be committed, but is in all ways the same as the day you met her? If so, a confrontation is warranted, as if she is planted in good soil and in all ways showing that she should be fruitful, you should be able to find the fruit to judge.
But even then, the conversation should not progress like this;
PASTOR: You are living in sin.
GIRL: Excuse me?
PASTOR: If you want to be a member of this church body you need to stop sinning.
The conversation should go more like;
PASTOR: I’m wondering if you’re feeling like you’re getting what you need.
GIRL: What do you mean?
PASTOR: By this point most people would be showing signs of having grown into our community and becoming secure in their faith, but you don’t seem to have taken root.
GIRL: That may be true.
PASTOR: Why do you think that is?
And then listen- because she will most likely tell you exactly what the impediment is between her and faith. And then you can help her remove it.
And she will take root.
M54 replied:
This is a wonderful subject, for we ALL should be involved (on some level) with other “believers” and “seekers”.
First thing I would like to point out is “by rumor you learn”. Rumors are “back-biting” and “gossip”. I think it is in the book of James. Very bad. Those of us who profess to be followers of the Christ should be ever vigilant about, especially when it is under the guise of “did you hear about sister/brother so-n-so? He/she is doing this and that. We realy need to pray for them.”
NO ONE should be talking about a person when they show up at a local church. Instead, try to get their name and put their name on the church’s prayer list (if you can get the family’s names all the better). Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in these prayers. Going along with your “garden” scenario you may consider this “putting a spiritual fence around her.”
Make sure this new attender feels the love that exists in the local church. Women should hug her neck and introduce themself and let her know how nice it is to see her. The more this happens (week after week) her gard will begin to fall and be more open to developing relationships.
“Is she professing to have faith and to be committed, but is in all ways the same as the day you met her?” I believe this to be a failure of the church and not the attender. Faith is a verb, you have to use your faith. You don’t lock your faith in the closet and pull it out when you need that house payment! The God of the Universe is a good and faithful God. Point out areas you have observed in her life where God has been faithful. After all didn’t God guide her to your church? What do you suppose His purpose was for doing that?
Most people don’t like to be judged and most people don’t like to be told they are falling short. However, by now someone in the church should have a RELATIONSHIP with this young lady. This is the person that should first approach her about her (perceived) short comings. Just be careful of the “plank/splinter” theology.
May 14, 2008 at 2:17 pm. Permalink.
Stephanie replied:
Lindsey-
That was so beautiful. Very well written.
May 14, 2008 at 4:11 pm. Permalink.
M54 replied:
I am going to take a chance here and be a bit transparent. Haha, some chance since know one here knows me.
I guess you can tell by my posts that I am a bit of a cynic. I haven’t always been that way and it has been such a gradual transition from “glass half full” to “not only is the glass half empty but it’s dirty too”.
Honestly, I think it began before Buddy’s death in Afghanistan. I remember talking to him about volunteering to go back. Telling him “don’t you understand people will be shooting at you?” (he was an Army medic) But he felt called to help the Afghani people.
I want to make sure you hear me clearly. I (personally) have made every decision on my own, taken ever action I’ve taken, I’ve made every corse remark I’ve made. No one made me say the things I’ve said. I have gradually changed into a person that even I don’t want to be around.
Now, here is where I think this fits under this heading. Me and my family can not affirm our local church enough. In that in those early days of Buddyd being killed in action they swooped in around us and just took control. Our pastor was at our home within ten minutes of receiving the call from me that night. Even had one of our Elders show up too. All of our tangible needs were met. The outpouring of love from them was just almost overwhelming.
Why then, did not my brothers and sisters not hold me accountable for becoming so criticle… of everything. Not just circumstances surrounding Buddy’s death but everything! I mean I can see the plank in all things. Now, if my pastor or someone I have a relationship with or have respect for says to me “M54, you may want to consider taking a look at this area.” I would do it. As a matter of fact I have asked three individuals to do exactly that!
Since I too am a veteran I am entitled to VA benefits and I have been meeting with a couonselor since about a month after Buddy was killed (March 07). She is a believer and we talk about Biblical approaches. Mostly though, we’ve been dealing with the anger aspect. I am nieve (sp) enough to think that with the meds and some behavior modification things I pretty much have a handle on the anger thing. But looking back at my conduct over these past months…..
I guess what I am realy saying is, I appreciate the casseroles and the hugs they were certainly helpful. But why did they stop loving me?
Finally, and don’t feel obligated, if you want to see a glimpse of our Buddy GOOGLE (Sgt. Buddy James Hughie). That MySpace video makes me cry every time I watch it.
Thanks for enduring me.
M54
May 15, 2008 at 3:12 pm. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
Oh, M54, you’re going to break my heart! You say “thanks for enduring me” as if you are somehow my burden to bear. I endure you gladly.
A lot of people see love as care. You know, mother-love. The kisses to wash away scraped knees, the food, the affection, the baths and wiping bottoms. They forget about father-love. The teaching, the conviction, the accountability, the sometimes harsh training for readiness in the world.
The church takes on the responsibility of a parent when it comes to shepherding believers. After all, didn’t Timothy refer to his fathers and mothers in faith? I’m sure he wasn’t simply speaking of those who “gave birth” to his faith but those who tended to it as well.
I am very sorry that your local body has fallen short of discipling you as they should, and I hope you find your way out of this bleak spot in your life. Your cynicism is understandable. Your daughter lost her husband to a war, first when she was pregnant and then permanently after having her child. That is such an unspeakable tragedy. I will certainly google him.
May 15, 2008 at 3:24 pm. Permalink.
e2tc replied:
M54, you and yours are in my prayers. I am so very sorry for your loss… there are just no words. But you know, working through the anger is far better for you (and me) than trying to ignore or suppress it.
I think one of the hardest parts of grieving is that, after a certain point, there’s no obvious support from people - the cards and calls stop coming, and people just assume that you’re getting on with your life. Well, we all have to do that, but grieving is a process and it doesn’t resolve itself according to anyone’s schedule (except, perhaps, God’s, but I don’t think he’s in the schedule-keeping business).
Is there perhaps a grief support group in your area that you could join? There’s one in my neck of the woods for parents who’ve lost children (of any age). I’d definitely encourage you to check, because you can be just as much of a support for others who are dealing with grief as they can be for you.
Take care, OK?
May 17, 2008 at 9:51 pm. Permalink.
e2tc replied:
And M, we’re not “enduring” you - *you* are enduring much grief and all the emotions that come with it.
I hope that some of the folks from your local church (or maybe other churches in your area) can come alongside you and endure this with you. That is such an important thing; to bear one another’s burdens. (I can’t help wondering if maybe some of the people from your church wish they knew what to say to you - as in, they wish they could take the pain away, but… words so often are inadequate in times of grief. Hugs work pretty well, though.)
May 17, 2008 at 10:00 pm. Permalink.