Forgiveness and love
“Forgiveness doesn’t mean escaping earthly consequences”, my father says, “you can forgive a man on death row, but he still serves out the penalty accorded by the courts.”
This particular blog isn’t about my personal life, and thus personal details are often left out. The very, very observant readers may sense themes and put one and two together, but, anyway… Forgiveness is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. What does it mean to forgive someone? Certainly it can’t mean acting as if the deed forgiven never occurred. One should forgive a priest who molests an altar boy but one shouldn’t act as if it never happened. So what DOES forgiveness mean?
For me it means choosing to love past something. Choosing to release anger and judgment and allow God to be the authority, instead of my own taste for vengeance. Forgiveness sometimes means not seeking justice, it sometimes means releasing one’s own need for satisfaction, and it sometimes means finding comfort in God rather than in justification.
There is nothing harder than forgiveness, nothing harder than grace, nothing harder than loving through a cloud of pain. But there is nothing better, as well. Justice can be lonely, justification can be cold, consequence can be cruel. Forgiveness itself can be bloody at times, but there’s a kind of warmth and comfort that comes from the stripped nakedness of one asking for forgiveness and the sudden contact of the other consenting that brings out this kind of intimacy that cannot be found anywhere else.
Because the truth is that real, total intimacy comes not from trust but from figuratively being seen naked in all of one’s human, flawed, and sinful reality and finding that love still endures. True romance is not in loving someone because of their perfection, but loving them while knowing just exactly how imperfect they are. It’s sad that as Christians we seem to want perfection all the time, to the point where people are ashamed to admit their shortcomings. This creates a syndrome that prevents real intimacy. The intimacy of saying, “I love you, knowing who you truly are.”
And isn’t that God? “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” THAT should be our flagship verse. John 3:16 is sweet, but 1st John 4 is honest.
Sorry my thoughts are so scattered. Ironic that in a post discussing total intimacy I’m forced to be withholding, but life is strange.
littletiger replied:
Lindsey – thank you so much! You write so clearly. Forgiveness is a gift we are given and when we practice it – we give that gift to others. There’s also another good thing about forgiveness, that once practiced we become better people.
The hardest thing I have ever done is forgive someone – the man who killed my sister through drunk driving. It took me about a month of praying for him through gritted teeth before I was able to pray for him and mean it. But once I was able to forgive him – I let a lot of bitterness out of me and was able to move on with my life.
July 15, 2008 at 2:27 pm. Permalink.
mssc54 replied:
Wow, just wow. My pastor just finished a four week series on forgiveness! It’s free on itunes if you want me to tell you where it is.
Forgiveness is really not for the other person. It is for ourself.
I won’t write about it here but I posted on another blog about an act where I made a selfish decision that caused my entire family great excrutiating public shame. That was twelve years ago.
Thank God for the willful act of forgiveness! If not for that my family would not be.
July 15, 2008 at 11:39 pm. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
littletiger: I’m starting to wonder if your pastor and I share a mind meld.
Mssc54: You’re right, a lot of forgiveness is just for yourself. But sometimes it is for the other person as well- to teach them about grace and love, to help relationships endure. Thank God that He helps us be strong enough.
July 16, 2008 at 12:51 pm. Permalink.
wvhillcountry replied:
Forgivness can be a great gift we give to ourselves and to others. Good post
July 16, 2008 at 2:50 pm. Permalink.
mssc54 replied:
One point I had forgotten about the story of Joseph (his brothers sold him into slavery). In the end Joseph wept on his brothers’ shoulders and completely forgave them. He said that it was not them that had caused him to journey as he had but God had done it in order to preserve life.
July 16, 2008 at 8:45 pm. Permalink.
Weekly Fruit Salad - Nombre douze « SanityFound’s Rambling’s replied:
[...] Forgiveness and love [...]
August 24, 2008 at 9:19 pm. Permalink.
Giselle replied:
Forgiveness in its true form is a rally hard thing… It takes so much of pure guts to feel from the heart and say “I am sorry.” …
August 26, 2008 at 7:07 am. Permalink.