Masturbation and the Bible
One might ask why I would even write about this topic- and it’s a reasonable question. It’s impossible to so much as type the word without risking offending someone. It’s a word not often uttered in polite company, it can make elderly women blush and turn away, if you said it from the pulpit it would most likely be greeted with an audible gasp-
and that’s why I bring it up. Because it’s a topic not often breeched, and it’s one that people have a lot of questions about. How do I know this? Because I’ve written a handful of posts about sex, and that means that search engines sometimes turn up my blog for searches that shouldn’t lead here. And so in my stats I’ll see questions like “what is a woman’s reaction to a man masturbating?” or “can Christian boys masturbate?” or “what did Jesus say about masturbation?” And every once in a very great while I’ll feel a stab of pity for people who have nowhere to go for advice for the internet, and the fact that they stumbled on to this blog looking for help, and very likely didn’t find any.
What DOES the Bible say about masturbation? Now, I’m no scholar and I won’t pretend to be one, but I have read the Bible. And when I think about this particular topic there is only one story that comes to mind. It’s in Genesis 38, the story of Tamar. Tamar’s husband died, and his brother had a duty to lay with her so that she could become pregnant, and her dead husband would have an heir. The brother, Onan, didn’t want that to happen. So when he lay with Tamar he “spilled his seed” on the ground to keep her from getting pregnant. God thought that this was vile, and Onan was struck dead. The story goes on- but those are the vital details.
The question then becomes: what did Onan do that was so vile? Is masturbating so bad that God will kill us for it, or was there some particular thing about that one situation that tells us more? I think that Onan’s sin wasn’t masturbation- first, it was selfishness. He cared more about his own inheritance than the well-being of Tamar, who was widowed and childless and destitute. He was selfish, and he shirked his duties under the law. The Bible tends to be pretty clear about what happens to people who think that their own desires are more important than our duties as followers of God- and in this case what happens is God struck a man down. Literally.
So what are we to really think about masturbation? It’s a difficult topic. Some people think that there’s really nothing wrong with it. Some couples seem to not only enjoy self-pleasuring, but don’t even mind pornography. I, personally, don’t really know what to say about it. I think that where it can cause real problems in a relationship is if one person uses it for release and thus deprives the other person of much needed physical attention. For example: if a husband has a nightly porn habit, and his wife feels neglected or as if he is being emotionally unfaithful. That is a MAJOR problem, and in that situation should the woman walk in on the man I think a woman’s reaction to seeing a man masturbate would probably be a pretty vicious one. In other situations, such as if a couple is routinely seperated for long periods of time, a woman might rather her man indulge himself than risk literal unfaithfulness, and vice versa. Or a little self-pleasure may play into day long foreplay for some couples.
Then there is another question- the question of single people and how much (if at all) they should indulge their sensual nature outside of marriage. Not really knowing where to draw the line, this is what I would ask a person in that situation: is it an addiction? Can you live without it? Does it eclipse other aspects of your life? Is it a way to keep your emotions in line, or does it feed a hunger that will only grow?
Thoughts, disagreement, whatever? That’s what comments are for.
mssc54 replied:
My understanding of Onan’s actions are a bit diffence.
First off it is entirely possible for Onan to have “spilled his sead” without even touching himself.
Secondly and I think more importantly; God struck Onan dead because Onan was trying to decide when life was to start. The Law then was as you stated Onan essentially robbed a bank.
Regarding masturbation specifically, I think the Bible does in fact give a proverbial thumbs up or down. You know what is Lindsey. Even if the lust in your heart is for yourself you have sinned.
But those are just my (current) understanding(s).
August 13, 2008 at 9:06 pm. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
mssc54: I’m baffled as to how Onan could have intentionally ejaculated without masturbating, for one- but as to the rest of your comment… How was Onan trying to decide when life should start?
And as to the “do not lust-”, yep. The Bible does have a lot to say about lust and covetousness. Which is why, I think, traditionally ALL sexual activity, even that which doesn’t necessarily require a partner, is reserved for marriage.
August 13, 2008 at 11:10 pm. Permalink.
L replied:
My opinion on this matter would be too long for a comment section, I think. I will try sum it up though.
Let’s start with, it is possible, as mssc54 said, to spill with out touching one’s self. I just wanted to add that so you would know it is not just what one person claims.
Secondly, I also think that the answer does change a bit depending on the person, their marital status, their history, and their mind set.
See, I use to think it was wrong. Period.
Then I went to, it’s not wrong.
Now my thought is perhaps it is more individualized – with the factors being what I listed above. Meaning, there is not a blanket answer.
You yourself have brought up good questions for one to ask themselves, not only in this aspect but in many others.
I am of the mindset though, that sexual contact is for the married couple. Which means that porn would be wrong. I know, not the popular opinion. I guess that’s why I’m not the popular gal.
August 13, 2008 at 11:26 pm. Permalink.
Red Wine Gums replied:
Although Onan is a possible example I don’t think it’s relevant in terms of the discussion here. My two cents:
Pornography is wrong inside and outside of marriage. I’ve had my struggles in that area. It’s the objectification of another human being. It’s demeaning to the person participating in it and the person watching it. It’s about an idea or a fantasy. In a marriage to my mind a person regularly watching pornography alone is adulterous. Looking at erotica for ideas as a married couple together is perfectly alright in my book. Will probably do it myself
Within marriage I think masturbation is fine once it’s with or about your partner. Can even learn a lot from watching each other do it.
I sort of think like Paul on it. I don’t want to be controlled by anything or let it become a stumbling block. But then I’m 24 years old with no outlet. I think as a release now and then it’s fine but without the use of imagery of any kind and that includes your own thoughts. I have went seven months without doing it once in the past and several others at three months. I don’t feel it’s as much an issue for me as it has been in my past. There are times though you’re just incredibly aroused and thinking of broccoli just doesn’t cut it.
It poses issues of course. Excessive masturbation for a guy can just lead to bad sexual technique inside of marriage. Then there’s issues of premature ejaculation. All of these can be overcome but I’d prefer to not let them start. It’s not just a guy thing of course but I can’t speak for the other side of humanity. I can’t even speak for other men. Just little ol’ me.
The issue boils down to lust at the end of the day. If an attractive woman walks past and I turn my head to look at her that’s alright. If I keep staring at her and then fantasise about her that’s wrong. It’s about the heart and the mind of the individual. My friend is an artist and has to draw nudes as part of his degree. In some Christian circles that would be horrific but I think it’s perfectly fine.
Mini post there
August 13, 2008 at 11:33 pm. Permalink.
Trypheana replied:
Just by way of information – Re: mssc54′s first point: When I think of ‘seed spilling’ without touching oneself, I think of what is commonly known as the withdrawal method (of birth control).
But I am interested in hearing, too, how Onan was “trying to decide when life starts.” I’ve never heard that perspective.
August 13, 2008 at 11:38 pm. Permalink.
Amber replied:
Ok so…. Here I am… The Non Christian Pervert Commenter. Yay Me!
I am a fully sexual being. I make no mistake of this fact on my blog. I am very open about my sexuality. I have experimented, and I have really searched for my own moral compass when it comes to these issues and applying it to my own faith base.
I too have blogged about this subject in detail. I think rather than post a big long comment here, rather than rehash my thoughts I should direct you to my own post on the subject. It talks about everything from the physical aspects of masturbation, to the moral, the biological, and why men should, and then the relationship parts of it. Hope you enjoy!
http://ambermoon.wordpress.com/2008/07/02/self-lovepg18/
August 14, 2008 at 12:43 am. Permalink.
Lady Jaye replied:
Here from RWG’s blog. My thoughts on the subject are perhaps from a different perspective.
Having been married and now divorced I’m trying my best to be pure-ish (is that a word?)but once sex with your spouse is taken away from you it’s really difficult.
When I was married we watched porn together and bought sex books, etc. But there were many moments when I’d walk in the bedroom and he’d be masturbating and it REALLY bothered me. I guess I felt like what you said that he was holding back from me.
All that being said on the whole I guess I agree that it falls into the lust category which the Bible says is a big no-no.
I guess I masturbate (yup, I said it!) because I’d rather keep myself for someone I really care about than the next random guy that gets me hot.
August 14, 2008 at 12:50 am. Permalink.
Lauren replied:
Instead of repeating everything people have said, I’ll say I agree with RWG and this:
“See, I use to think it was wrong. Period.
Then I went to, it’s not wrong.
Now my thought is perhaps it is more individualized – with the factors being what I listed above. Meaning, there is not a blanket answer.”
and this:
“I guess I masturbate (yup, I said it!) because I’d rather keep myself for someone I really care about than the next random guy that gets me hot.”
Some people can handle it, some can’t, I don’t want to be a stumbling block for someone else, and if I feel myself becoming addicted to it or needing porn or the like, then it has become an issue.
August 14, 2008 at 2:12 am. Permalink.
mssc54 replied:
Lindsey, Trypheana discription is pretty accurate. It’s kind of like rolling a ball down hill once it starts it pretty much runs it’s course.
Onan was an OT character and they were under the Law. For leniage purposes God determined the Law. Am I right? So I figure that Onan was, in a manner of speaking, “thumbing his nose at God” saying that he knew better than God to get that woman pregnant.
As you well know Onan isn’t the only one in the OT who got “the death penalty” for trying to deceive God.
August 14, 2008 at 2:14 am. Permalink.
joyfulpraisegirl replied:
From RWG’s as well, but I have posted here before so it’s all good
To start off I can’t personally say anything about this issue…I’ve never done it. Haha Whether that makes me a novice or a smart cookie I just don’t know. But just clarifying that before I say my next words…
I don’t honestly believe in it. But that’s because I have no need to. For men it’s harder and I know from dating that he had a problem with such a task and he was generally upset because it was apparently hard to date me and abstain from this which he thought was as bad as (and yes it is mentioned in many other replies) adulterous. I know we weren’t married but I guess he took it serious, and I respect that because I am sure it’s probably very hard since we are made differently. Guys are just about physical, and there’s nothing wrong with that…It’s enticing to say the least
But I know that women do this as well, and I always wondered how do some handle it that are widowed? I have an aunt that is in such position (and yes, are family is way open when it comes to the fact that we have sex, do this, or that…not in a sick way, just that it’s natural and God made it between two people who are binded, full of passion, and in love)But I know that after having a life of sex, and for so long, when you lose someone that was there for you in a deep physical level…and they leave…well what do you do even if you did feel aroused later on? I mean not that it’s on their mind with a dead husband or wife…but it makes me wonder…?
But the fact is biblically: Self pleasure in lustful acts and sinful thoughts are bad. Straight up. Thanks for bringing up a topic which we (my family and such here) have actually brought up with friends and family lol That makes me feel like we are definitely different then the average.
August 14, 2008 at 4:57 am. Permalink.
The Razzler replied:
Hi. Here from RWG’s blog.
This is very interesting. I totally agree with you about masturbation within marriage. If it’s being used in order to not give attention to the spouse then that is wrong because it’s selfish. But if it’s being used to benefit the marriage then I have no problems with it at all.
Masturbation for single people – that’s a bit more difficult. I don’t see it as a problem, unless it’s addictive, or feeding the hunger, as you pointed out. I don’t think it’s morally wrong – I think it depends on the effect it has on the individual. If it helps to keep those desires at bay then it it is useful. If it breeds lustful desires then it should be kept in check, because it is just making the task of godliness and purity that much more difficult. I think that sex is about so much more than just pleasurable stimulations and experiences. That is what should be kept pure for our spouse.
As for pornography – I totally agree with RWG. Objectifying people for sexual pleasure is wrong.
Well, them’s my long-winded and poorly articulated blatherings!
August 14, 2008 at 9:43 am. Permalink.
thatdudeyouknow replied:
Hey, it’s me!
Completely agree with RWG. I am a bit bothered by mssc54 who says that “Onan was under the law” when the law was given through Moses a few hundred years later.
RWG said
“If an attractive woman walks past and I turn my head to look at her that’s alright. If I keep staring at her and then fantasise about her that’s wrong.”
which is exactly what Jesus said. Jesus even implies that masturbation is a sin in that case (the right hand)!
Matthew 5:27-30:
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
August 14, 2008 at 11:54 am. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
RWG: You and I are pretty well in agreement.
mssc54: I will blame five hours of sleep and a lack of coffee for my not “getting it” right of the bat; Duh. Of course. Although, in my defense, Onan was used to scare little boys away from masturbation in an old church of mine.
TDYK: good catch with that verse from Matthew. Although things are never spelled out in great detail when it comes to masturbation, one inference that a person can draw from the ENTIRE Bible is that it’s better to not do something that may lead to sin than to be overly permissive with one’s self and lose control.
everyone: Gotta love the big expanses of gray in life- they lead to discussions that lead to all sorts of great revelations and new connections!
August 14, 2008 at 12:46 pm. Permalink.
Red Wine Gums replied:
@Thatdudeyouknow
which is exactly what Jesus said. Jesus even implies that masturbation is a sin in that case (the right hand)!
which is why I said it
I often quote Scripture without referencing the verse as I find, particularly with non-Christians, they are much more amenable to your argument then.
I think it’s interesting though to think about it. Jesus was fully human. He experienced everything we did but did not sin.
Did he ever have an erection? Was he ever sexually aroused? I think the answer is yes. When you’re a guy sometimes you just can’t help it. It happens. But it’s how you deal with it.
@Lindsey
one inference that a person can draw from the ENTIRE Bible is that it’s better to not do something that may lead to sin than to be overly permissive with one’s self and lose control.
Great minds like athink
August 14, 2008 at 1:37 pm. Permalink.
e2tc replied:
Lindsey, I appreciate this post, but don’t feel comfortable saying much about it in an open forum.
Hope you understand!
August 14, 2008 at 5:40 pm. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
RWG:
e2c: Oh, I get it! It’s not the sort of topic one generally throws out there- I’m just odd.
August 14, 2008 at 6:12 pm. Permalink.
mssc54 replied:
Lindsey, thatdudeyouknow let me try to”fix” something I messed up regarding Onan.
Remember now that Er was the first son of Judah and Onan was the second son. Althouth Er, the first-born of Judah seems to have been the chosen one in Judah’s family through whom the Messiah was intended to come; for, even after h is death, Tamar, his widow bor a son to Judah whose name (Pharez or Phares) appears with hers (Thamar) in the line of Christ (Mt. 1:3). Er was wicked in the eyes of the Lord (Gen. 38:7) and the Lord slew him.
Onan then being the second in the birth order was required to “go into his brother’s widow” in order to carry on his brother’s name. However, Onan had such hatred for his brother that he wanted his brother’s name blotted out from the earth. Gen 38:10 “And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.”
August 14, 2008 at 7:42 pm. Permalink.
newlongtonmethodist replied:
The point you make about the subject not be one that is raised in Church is a very good one. We need to get used to discussing the issues which concern people instead of staying within our comfort zones. That way I think more people would take notice of what the Church has to say.
August 14, 2008 at 9:15 pm. Permalink.
e2tc replied:
Lindsey, you *know* I don’t think you’re “weird” – it’s a good post! But I have some reservations about saying what I’d like to say in an open forum, period… It’s not a matter of shame, or thinking this post is somehow “too public.” It’s more along the lines of something I simply don’t feel comfortable posting for just anyone to read – and no offense intended to any of the regular commenters here!
August 14, 2008 at 11:17 pm. Permalink.
Weekly Fruit Salad - Nummer elva « SanityFound’s Rambling’s replied:
[...] so do smart boys but sometimes both forget that there There are TWO people in the bed … Masturbation? Even that can take two, you and your imagination. Sometimes, most times, perhaps no times, [...]
August 18, 2008 at 10:36 am. Permalink.