Meme: Guilty Pleasures
Normally I avoid the “getting to know you” memes, especially on this blog. But I thought that THIS one might make for a bit of enlightening you all about what I am really like.
- “passing notes” during sermons. These notes have included such gems as- “five buzzwords in ten minutes: a new record?”; “If one more person says relational I’m standing up and screaming my head off” (followed quickly by “never mind whatever I’m sleepy”); “Do you feel like you’re in fifth grade? I feel like I’m in fifth grade.”; and my all time favorite: “I WANT OUT I WANT OUT I WANT OUT!” [I also take real, valid, intellectual notes. But that isn't much of a "guilty pleasure". And yes, I've made people snicker. So?]
- Trying to make my waiters laugh. I don’t know why this is. It’s compulsive. But you know how a good waiter tries to make you laugh and loosen you up? I do that to waiters. And if they look stressed, I tell them to turn it off and just get through. It’s a hard job. I really feel bad for them. (and YES, I know they are paid to take care of me- but most people treat waiters like dog poo.) I add this to the “guilty pleasures”, because it has included parking the car to WALK through the drive through, ordering in pig latin, standing up and literally acting out scenes from movies, and hiding under my chair.
- Chit-chatting with telemarketers. You know how they’ll say, “how’s your day been?”, well, I ask it in return, and chit-chat. I’m not the kind of person to pretend a relative has died or something, but there have been times that I’ve complained for fifteen minutes about my son having diarrhea before hanging up on particularly pushy and annoying guys.
- Anything with chocolate. Which isn’t surprising, I suppose, but I especially love chili-chocolates. Mmm… I would say something here about mixing husbands and chocolates, but I rarely feel guilty about that.
- Attractive women. Not that I fantasize, or let my mind go where it shouldn’t, but there is something fascinating about women. The way they move, the way they talk, the way they look you in the eye… And I have to admit, if I am ever alone with Angelina Jolie I WILL do EVERYTHING in my power to make out with her. My God! I feel completely heterosexual until I see her. Wow.
- Attractive men- I like them tall, dark, and gloomy. With nice arms, and butt, and chest. Fortunately my husband is possessed of all of these qualities, so he is forced to deal with the constant throwing myself on him sparsely clothed. Odd, though, he rarely seems to mind.
- Writing. Obviously writing this blog is a pleasure, but not guilty. No, the guilt comes in when I’m writing things like fantasy and science fiction and vampires and zombies and all of the things that I was told, growing up, were “doors for the devil to walk through”. As soon as I discovered Tolkien and CS Lewis I discovered this whole universe of creativity that I absolutely, positively, in all ways HAD to move into. So I have. And I find myself sacrificing sleep and sanity to wrap myself in my own imagination, which is like eighty percent pleasure and twenty percent guilt. Mostly because I feel like I ought to have grown up more by now- but writing for me is like breathing. I HAVE TO. (Just maybe not zombie romances… I mean, what does that make me?)
So there you go, my darling regular readers. This girl is still just a girl, just a bit of a quirky and sometimes surprisingly strange one. (And YES, I really did hide under my chair at a restaurant once. And the waiter thought it was hilarious when I held up my hand for my order. Mission accomplished.)
wvhillcountry replied:
Gee Lindsey, I thought I was the only one who wrote those kinds of things in church. Although I haven’t done it since we got our new minister. I once counted the word damnation in a sermon it was 11 times. I also counted the time he said flusterated (is that a word?) it was 5. Had me laughing by the time service was over.
It’s nice to know that you are as warped and weird as the rest of us.
August 27, 2008 at 2:14 am. Permalink.
lesbiansaidwhat replied:
lol, I think Angelina has that affect on a lot of women.
C.
August 27, 2008 at 3:19 am. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
wvhillcountry: I’m glad to know I’m not alone, either!
lesbiansaidwhat:
August 27, 2008 at 2:22 pm. Permalink.
Hayden Tompkins replied:
I do the exact same thing with waiters, especially if they are in a bad mood or completely nonresponsive at first. Usually I can wear them down, but not all the time.
August 27, 2008 at 2:38 pm. Permalink.
bridgeout replied:
Splendid! This post was the first thing to bring a smile to my face today! Love it! Sounds a lot like things I have done!
{high five!!}
August 27, 2008 at 3:41 pm. Permalink.
Red Wine Gums replied:
Can I take you out on a date? With your husband’s permission of course or he can come along. I just want to see you do your thang in a variety of restaurants
Angelina doesn’t do it for me. I don’t get the major fascination. Just never did anything as such. Pretty? Yes. An incarnation of Aphrodite? I don’t think so.
I think that no man would mind if his partner did that on a regular basis
I’m often tempted to write erotica but I don’t think it’s healthy for me to do so given my current status. I’m not sure would it be a healthy way of controlling something or amplify a current existing problem. I suspect the latter. I don’t see any real problem with sci-fi or fantasy as a genre
August 27, 2008 at 6:12 pm. Permalink.
mssc54 replied:
Lindsey; I am much more hi-tech than you are in church. I sometimes play games on my Blackberry!
Cookies: I like to buy those Fudge Grahams and “hide” them in the freezer. Something about frozen chocolate covered graham crackers.
Blogging: I am beginning to enjoy it a bit too much. lol
August 27, 2008 at 10:43 pm. Permalink.
Julie replied:
I love my husbands dark brown eyes. I tend to throw myself at him fairly often after looking into those eyes. *sigh* One of my guilty pleasures is making out with him in front of my children sometimes. Not extreme making out with hands all over, but some serious kissing. LoL I can’t help it… he makes me melt.
I love making my waiters laugh too. My daughter is almost 11 and once when I did something to lighten up a waiters day, she turned to me with that stricken look on her face and said, “MOM!! You are SO embarrassing me!!” I think that made the waiter laugh more than what I was doing. LoL
August 28, 2008 at 2:28 am. Permalink.
SanityFound replied:
Ah I am not alone *breathes sigh of relief* I too do the strangest of things including doing them in the restaurants. I have many responses to those telemarketers though, one of them being when they are trying to sell something “I am bankrupt, I have no money but if you want me to default on all the payments send it on through” they hang up pretty quickly… the other one is to ask them what colour underwear they are wearing… they hang up surprisingly quick… *shrug* I am evil what can I say
Brilliant list!!!
August 28, 2008 at 7:43 am. Permalink.