Trusting God to Convict
“But if someone you love is living in Sin, shouldn’t you hold them accountable?”
This argument is most often used against homosexuals- but it applies to all kind of sins. My answer to the above question is both yes, and no. Yes- if someone you love is living in sin, it should matter to you. And you should talk to them about your concerns. But you should never do it in a “you must change or ELSE” tone, you should do it in an “I worry what the consequences of this could be for you because I love you” tone, and then you should let go.
Let GO, and trust God to do the rest.
Let’s look at this simply:
- All sin goes contrary to God’s desires for our lives. God wishes to move us into a less sinful state.
- If someone loves God and wishes to have a relationship with God, and they open their heart towards God they will hear God speaking to them.
- If God is speaking to someone who is in a sinful state, God will inevitably pull them towards a less sinful state so they can know him more fully.
Thus, if God is desirous of someone leaving a homosexual lifestyle, and this person is devoted towards God and allowing themselves to be pulled by him, eventually he WILL speak to them about their lifestyle. By this point I would assume that you, reader, if you are concerned about their choices, will have already told them your opinion.
At this point they can choose to have you be the one to hold them accountable. And at this point there may be real, solid consequences for them choosing to remain in something which God has asked them to leave.
But it can’t go the other way. Conviction HAS to come from God, it can’t come from people. Let me tell you a story. For most of my marriage there was a behavior pattern towards me from my husband that I felt was sinful. And for most of my marriage (six years) I would confront my husband, he would get defensive, and we’d eventually start arguing about who was the better spouse. Stalemate. Useless. About a year ago I started to feel convicted about my judgmental attitude towards my spouse. Now, let’s be clear, this pattern in his behavior towards me was ABSOLUTELY wrong and ABSOLUTELY contrary to what God wanted towards our marriage, but God VERY clearly told me to shut up about it and to work on my own heart. So I did. And after several months of struggling and me holding my tongue, God convicted my husband.
God was never going to let me get away with doing his job. It may have been right for me to say, “I’m concerned about the consequences this may have on our marriage”, but it was absolutely wrong for me to try to force my husband to change. But when God brought the conviction, change happened almost instantly.
That’s why we need to trust God. Should we let people know when we are concerned for them? Absolutely. But we should absolutely not hand out ultimatums unless it is about a behavior that someone has asked us to help them change, or we are in a position of authority where it is our responsibility to protect the body at large.
Trust God.
Offer the situation up to him.
Pray for the body of believers.
Exhort what is good.
Guard your own hearts.
This is the path to righteousness.
jonolan replied:
Here we disagree to some extent. My feeling is that the “it’s in God’s hands” is a cop out, a refusal of responsibility. IMHO we are the God(s) hands more often than not and it falls to us to correct matters.
We’re not in disagreement though about the tenor that should be taken in dealing with things though. Authoritarian language – unless one actually has authority and commensurate temporal responsibility – is rarely useful or effective.
October 2, 2008 at 12:56 pm. Permalink.
Tania Breard replied:
I can’t agree more with your post. Similarly, I have experienced, throughout my life, situations with people whom I believed were “in the wrong.”
It has been the times in which I asserted my beliefs, etc…Let’s say “self-righteously” that the opposite outcome, from what I desired, occurred.
The funny thing about this truth is that those who believe they are in the right to PUSH someone else to change, is indeed the very person God is working in to change.
We put over selves over God when we presume to do His job. Regardless of what others may be doing, we are called to righteousness. We enter into sin when we falter in how we are calling others to God, and instead begin to PUSH other’s to our way of thinking.
Yes, we should gently provide perspective to others when we believe they have strayed from the path of righteousness. However, we must not allow ourselves to sin in the process.
We will never be able to impart the truth on someone’s heart and soul the way God does when He works in them. We must submit to how God wants us to be present in someone’s life and not how we want someone else to be present for us.
Yes, there have been times when my behavior in regard to this particular topic has been like this, “Excuse me God, I’ll handle this.” As if!
Thank-you for your post, we need to hear that message frequently, it’s not about our relationship with whomever we “feel” called to correct….it is always about our relationship with the Lord and how we are answering His call.
October 2, 2008 at 2:01 pm. Permalink.
faemom replied:
You make a very good point here.
As a Catholic, we believe in Confession. We go to confession and confess our sins to a priest who absolves us and gives us penance. But does the priest know if we are truly sorry or if we do our penance? Most likely no. In my faith, we believe you need to be truly sorry and do your penance or you are not absolved.
In that line of thinking, we truly do not know the true thinking of God: was it a sin, are we forgiven. So I believe we must error on the side of forgiveness and love. When the act breaks only spiritual law, then we must trust in the spiritual judgment.
October 2, 2008 at 8:42 pm. Permalink.
Amber replied:
Great post…
Judgements have been a theme lately huh? Judgements and compassion. I thought compassion is the one that walked hand and hand with christianity… not judgements in the first place.
October 2, 2008 at 11:10 pm. Permalink.
mssc54 replied:
Interesting… a post on judgement AND conviction. Hmph
Wow, this has got be a coincidence. lol
Jonolan makes a very good point. How can we say leave it in God’s hands when He has already clearly given us all the direction we need.
If we can not discern what His meaning is on a particular subject it’s not Him Who is confused about it. We, likely, spend more time justifying our position than earnestly studying His Word.
October 3, 2008 at 12:12 am. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
Jonolan and Mssc54: I’m not saying that we don’t have some responsibility to the people we love and are in relationship, be they friends or family. We should tell them if we have concerns. But we can’t hold them accountable unless they choose to allow us and we can’t FORCE them to feel something is a sin if they aren’t ready and God isn’t in it. It takes an INCREDIBLE amount of discernment to know what sins God is concerned with. Let’s imagine someone is a dishonest, angry, loose with their money and tends to overdrink. Yet they want to come closer to God. It would be impossible to change their entire personality over night- so which sin does God want them to work on first?
Tell them you are concerned, absolutely. But call out what is good in their lives and their hearts, and for the love of God TRUST that the spirit will do it’s work! Jesus said that he was leaving us but he would send a counselor in his place. Have we forgotten that?
Tania: I have a theory that when we start to feel guilty we immediately project that on to other people. Believing that we are made holy by eradicating the sins of others. Of course, that doesn’t work. Thanks for your comment and welcome to my blog!
faemom: I already said elsewhere that Jesus said that he was leaving, but a counselor would come to us. We need to trust in the Spirit and that God still moves.
Amber: Thanks! Themes happen.
October 3, 2008 at 12:21 am. Permalink.
Birdie replied:
I’ve jumped here from a link on Terrestrial Ball. I’m so glad to have found your blog! I hope to join in with some cogent comments after I’ve strolled through a bit. Busy weekend—I’ll be back early next week.
October 3, 2008 at 1:59 am. Permalink.
jonolan replied:
Lindsey,
You’re correct. We cannot force people to feel something is Right or Wrong. If that is the context of the matter then I retract my disagreement.
We can and sometimes should make an effort to force people to change or refrain from harmful (Wrong or Sinful) behavior, whether they believe that behavior is wrong or not. Of course “force” could imply a whole range of activities, many of which are coercive but not authoritarian.
October 3, 2008 at 1:21 pm. Permalink.
Lindsey replied:
Birdie: Welcome to my blog!
Jonolan: We absolutely should make efforts to get people to change behaviors that are obviously harmful. As per the example in my post- if there is a behavior pattern in a marriage that is harmful, both spouses should make every effort to improve it. The problem comes when one person doesn’t acknowledge that the behavior is there or that it is bad.
A gay person may not feel that it is so clear that homosexuality is contrary to God’s plan, and thus if an ultimatum is made in an effort to force their hand you may end up destroying the relationship entirely.
As I said, it takes an INCREDIBLE amount of discernment on the part of the concerned friend to know where to draw the line and what kind of approach is ultimately needed. Rather than “trust God” being a cop-out on my part, it is faith that where we as humans fail God is still powerful.
October 3, 2008 at 2:02 pm. Permalink.