But, it’s so SHINY…
Inspiration came yesterday in the shape of my son’s obsession with silverware. My little boy loves to get out the butter knives and pretend they are swords, beating them against each other and howling like a savage. Sometimes this is cute- but my husband and I decided that we’d rather he indulge his fantasies with something less pointy. A spatula, perhaps, or the handle of a wooden spoon.
My son is not willing to compromise. He must have silverware, bright and shiny and forbidden.
So several times a day I hear the drawer open, and then it begins. It starts with:
“Fighter*, you can’t have the silverware.” Sometimes at this point he goes ahead and closes the drawer. Sometimes, not. So it continues:
“Fighter, if you take it out I’m only going to tell you to put it back.” There have been a handful of times this has been effective, but usually not.
“Fighter, Mommy would really like you to put those down and close the drawer.” This is generally the time I get the most obedience from him. I’d say eighty percent of the time, which is pretty good for a two-year-old. Although, twenty percent of the time the dance continues.
“You aren’t allowed to play with those.”
He stars howling and dancing.
I go into the kitchen, and make him stop and look at me. “Will you put those back and I’ll get you something else?”
This is where it gets interesting.
“No.”
“You need to put them away, or I will have to take them.”
“No.”
“If I have to take them, you will be punished.”
He will actually think about this, and there are still a smattering of times that he will go back to the drawer and spare himself the time out. But, if it gets to this point, most of the time it will end badly.
And yesterday, I realized- he gets it from me. Because there are times in my life where I know God has told me to surrender, and I’ve ignored him. And God and I have had this conversation. He’s said, “I really want you to let go.” I’ve said no. He’s said, “if you don’t let go I’ll have to take it away from you.” And I’ve said, “NO.” So God has gotten down on his knees and made me look in his eyes and said, “I really want you to listen, because if you don’t listen and I have to take it away, I will have to discipline you.”
And sometimes I’ll stick out my lower lip and walk over to the drawer as if it is a death sentence, and put the beautiful shiny forbidden things away. But more often? I howl like a banshee and run the other way and hide in my closet and wait for the hammer to fall, just like my son.
And I have to wonder why we as humans act this way- because once it gets to that point, to the point where a bad ending is expected and inevitable, how do we get ANY enjoyment from having gotten our way?
*Clearly not his real name, but he probably wishes it was.
Sorry For the Absence
I deeply apoloize for my dropping off the face of the earth for a little bit, there. As most of you know, in my Real Life I’m a stay at home mom. Time to work has to be strictly scheduled. It’s been my custom to get up at the crack of dawn to write, but the last few weeks there’s been a lot of illness in my family and my son hasn’t been sleeping well. (He may be teething, too, it’s so hard to tell with him.) So since my Boy has been unable to sleep unless physically connected to me, I haven’t been able to get out of bed and get myself dressed, groomed and ready for the day without him attached to me, and that makes it really hard to get in the right spirit to write.
I’m really trying to find a way around this little issue, but so far none has presented itself. So as soon as I can get my home life back in functioning order I promise to resume posting. Until then I’ll just keep posting whenever I can manage to swindle time away from home. (Which, as the last week has shown, is intermitent and not dependable.)
In other news, I’ll also be gone the entire week of Christmas.
Not your comfort, but His glory
Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?
If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. (2nd Corinthians 11:24-30)
I would say “I’m afraid my last post may have ruffled a few feathers”- but I’m not really afraid, I’m sure. And I wouldn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or bitter. It’s just that there is a very important lesson to be learned here.
Our comfort, our temporal happiness, is of no value unless it brings glory to God. Our success for the sake of success is useless- but our success for the sake of His honor is everything. Our happiness for the sake of happiness alone is selfish- our joy for the sake of spreading that joy is worthy. Possessions for the sake of status are idolatrous- wealth for the sake of upholding one another brings God glory. And the list goes on and on.
Now, I ask this in all seriousness- who among us is so sure of their own value that they think that the Creator of All would deign to give them something for the sole purpose of their own temporary pleasure? Now that question is double-edged, because I do believe that God takes great pleasure in our happiness. After all, he’s painted sunsets that could shake you to the tips of your toes, he’s made fruit so sweet it makes your blood sing, he gave us SEX- obviously pleasure means something to God. But pleasure for the sake of pleasure alone? It’s empty.
The book of Ecclesiastes gives interesting counsel. It says that all a man’s labors are a “mere chasing after the wind”, they will be destroyed by sun and famine and turn to dust. So what are we to do? Praise God when our cups are full, enjoy our spouses, take pleasure in what little good life has to offer. And in the end, praise God, who pours rain down on both the good and wicked.
So is it all folly or not? I find it interesting that Paul boasts not about his many successes, but that he does so ironically about his many percieved failures. I wouldn’t think that being beaten, shipwrecked, and jailed would be the height of his career. But yet he puts it forward as such- why? Because it is in the fact that he has been beaten so many times and still gone forward, that he has been jailed and released, that he has been on the verge of death and still lived that God is glorified.
Think of Joseph, who was sold into slavery, falsely accused and jailed but through being so he managed to save his people. Or Esther, that symbol of feminine strength, who had to trade her body for the queenship in order to save her people. These are good, god-fearing youth that had to have gone through incredible pain in order to get to the point that they saw God’s will fulfilled. Or Daniel, as another example, whose faithfulness was “rewarded” with a trip to the Lion’s den. Shadrac, Meshac and Abednigo, who were nearly martyred. Or the countless real examples of those who were faithful and died.
Should we curse God?
Heaven forbid it. We should praise him. Why?
Because despite his sending rain on both the good and the evil, he does care about us deeply. Not about our temporary happiness, but about the deep and abiding joy that comes only from knowing that your life will serve a greater purpose. Whether that life be “blessed” or cursed with bad fortune, either way you can live it as such that your life causes people to praise God’s name.
It may not get you a mansion and a porsche and a good performance review from your work- but leave those things for materialistic fools.
If I am to boast, I will boast of my weakness, so people can see God’s work in me that much more clearly.
God isn’t interested in your comfort
One of the hardest lessons about learning to trust God is not allowing that trust to be broken just because bad things happen. Time and time again I’ve heard the story, someone leaves an important meeting or job interview or day with the parents or who knows what “in God’s hands” only to get bitterly angry when things don’t go as desired.
“Why didn’t God help me?” Is the cry, “why didn’t God protect me? Make me successful?”
The short answer? God isn’t interested in your happiness. The long answer?
God is interested in giving you good gifts. The problem is that our human definition of what is good isn’t necessarily the same as God’s divine definition. While one person may pray for God’s hand on a business meeting expecting that will mean their presentation goes off without a hitch, God may have different plans. So when the projector doesn’t work and the meeting is stressed and uncomfortable, our human definition of good is challenged. We want God to protect us- but God wants to make us stronger.
Sometimes we get EXACTLY what we pray for- we just can’t recognize it.
We need to let go of the belief that what is good is what is comfortable. We need to stop thinking that pain and discomfort are necessarily bad, and that success in God’s eyes is the same as success in earthly terms. God’s hand of protection sometimes must intervene not to protect us from harm but to protect us from ourselves. Soemtimes God’s infinite wisdom allows us to fail and allows us to suffer for our own good.
The problem with comfort is that it leads to stagnancy, and stagnancy to death.
So God isn’t really interested in our comfort.
itch, itch
I’m now working on a Reader’s Companion to my little novel, so that when we do a book study of it in our church, people have questions to reflect on with each passage as well as things written by the author (holy [bleep] that’s ME!) to help them understand why certain things were presented certain ways, and motivations of the characters that simply couldn’t be written into the actual book.
It would also have a whole lot of Biblical passages that were referred to but not quoted in their entirety.
The interesting aspect of this process is that I am writing this to use. So I, the author of the book, will be organizing and leading the first study of the book. And for some reason this idea at first made me really uncomfortable. I felt like I was saying, “hey, church, I’d like to organize a group for the sole purpose of forcing all of them to read my book.” My husband, when he heard me voicing my discontent, nearly laughed at me. Because, as he put it, who better to teach from the volume than it’s author?
Ah, that would be ME.
So I’m coming to terms now with two facts about myself- one being that I have now written a book on a subject that people have purchased, and thus without any irony I can say, “I’ve written a book on that subject.” Ah, authority.
The other is that if the initial study shows good results I want to export it to other local churches. I don’t know if any of this will really come to fruition- at this point I don’t even know how many people will sign up for the study or when I’ll be ready to start really selling people on the idea. The materials aren’t ready yet, and I doubt they will be this month.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I’m finally coming in to my own. I’m willing to stop relying on the comfort that comes from the status quo. I’m not happy to be a single voice in a meeting- I want to be out there, beyond my church and beyond my friends and beyond even this blog, talking to people and getting them to face reality.
I’m stretching my wings.
And it sort of itches.
Sicky-poo
No post today, as I got the “24 hour stomach bug” and it’s been hanging around for four days.
Must go rest.
