itch, itch

I’m now working on a Reader’s Companion to my little novel, so that when we do a book study of it in our church, people have questions to reflect on with each passage as well as things written by the author (holy [bleep] that’s ME!) to help them understand why certain things were presented certain ways, and motivations of the characters that simply couldn’t be written into the actual book.

It would also have a whole lot of Biblical passages that were referred to but not quoted in their entirety.

The interesting aspect of this process is that I am writing this to use.  So I, the author of the book, will be organizing and leading the first study of the book.  And for some reason this idea at first made me really uncomfortable.  I felt like I was saying, “hey, church, I’d like to organize a group for the sole purpose of forcing all of them to read my book.”  My husband, when he heard me voicing my discontent, nearly laughed at me.  Because, as he put it, who better to teach from the volume than it’s author?

Ah, that would be ME.

So I’m coming to terms now with two facts about myself- one being that I have now written a book on a subject that people have purchased, and thus without any irony I can say, “I’ve written a book on that subject.”  Ah, authority.

The other is that if the initial study shows good results I want to export it to other local churches.  I don’t know if any of this will really come to fruition- at this point I don’t even know how many people will sign up for the study or when I’ll be ready to start really selling people on the idea.  The materials aren’t ready yet, and I doubt they will be this month.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I’m finally coming in to my own.  I’m willing to stop relying on the comfort that comes from the status quo.  I’m not happy to be a single voice in a meeting- I want to be out there, beyond my church and beyond my friends and beyond even this blog, talking to people and getting them to face reality.

I’m stretching my wings.

And it sort of itches.

December 2, 2008. Tags: me, study materials, teacher, teaching, Writing. Christianity, Relationships, Religion, life.