My call back to the church came through an interesting fulcrum:  the movie SLC Punk.

I’d been reading my Bible.  I’d been finding comfort in music, in art, in writing.  I’d been feeling stronger and stronger day by day.  But it was SLC Punk that made me want to leave the valley of my discontent for good.  For those who don’t know the story, SLC Punk is about a group of anarchists who are looking for, um, something.  The main character is the son of a banker (or lawyer, or some kind of glorified white collar grunt) who drives a nice car and eats at fancy restaurants and is adamant that he didn’t “sell out” but instead “bought in” to a bigger dream.  At the end of the movie you see the main character walking down the street in a fancy suit, saying that it’s easier to dismantle the machine from the inside.    I’d watched the movie several times before and never been as struck by that imagery as I was on one balmy summer night.  I was laying on the couch fanning myself to stay cool, hating the heat and humidity and pretty much everything about life.  I heard that line, and something inside my head clicked.  It was like a cool breeze suddenly blew through the window.  Everything was more bearable.

I’d been content, until that point, to stick to my group of likeminded friends and complain.  We’d all had similar scars and experiences, we all fed into each other’s dissatisfaction and bitterness.  We talked about wanting to fight the powers, but we never fought anything.  We never affected anything. I’m not saying that there wasn’t tremendous value in what we did for each other:  we needed each other.  We were a balm for each other.  Our unity helped us to heal.  But as long as we stayed content to lick each other’s wounds, we’d never help anyone else.  If I wanted to see the empire change, I’d have to put on my fancy suit and get inside it.

If I wanted a relevant youth ministry, I had to minister.  If I wanted a worship song without ad-lib lyrics, I’d have to write it.  If I wanted a sermon from a different part of the Bible I’d have to preach it.  If I wanted traditional leadership to be challenged, I’d have to sound the alarm.  And that wasn’t going to happen as long as I was laying on my couch watching Fight Club every Sunday morning instead of biting the bullet and reinserting myself into the Christian lifestyle.

(To be continued…)