Know who you really are.
I have a theory. You’ll never find happiness and fulfillment if you don’t know who you really are. You may be married to an amazing person, raising good kids, working a decent job, able to have time to relax and pursue other interests… but if you don’t really know yourself, you’ll always hunger.
Our physical bodies have this amazing capacity to know what they lack. That’s why we have an appetite. You may suddenly crave fresh fruit, or fish, or a cheeseburger. And you may think, “ah, I’m hungry” and eat potato chips or a handful of vegetables or a couple of chocolates from your snack drawer. Yet, you will continue to crave, even when your tummy is full. Why? Because you don’t really understand what your body is hungry for. It may be telling you “more vitamins!” or “more fibre!” or “more iron!” and you are filling it up with the wrong things. So even when it has an excess of calories, it still has a lack of the things it needs to be healthy.
Our daily lives are the same. Our soul aches, and from that ache comes greed and jealousy and depression, or exhaustion. We think that the answer is to work harder, to have more, to divorce the spouse that doesn’t content us, to sink money into hobbies that waste time but don’t fulfill. We search and we ache and we feed our days with all of these things, but still go to bed feeling like something is missing.
Why?
We don’t really know who we are. Like with our appetite, we lack the ability to listen to our soul and give ourselves the right priorities. If you want to paint a painting that reflects your spirit and you settle for “practical” scrapbooking, you could spend a fortune in money and time and still feel unfulfilled. If you’re working at a firm because you chose a profession that offers you stability and all your heart wants is to stand on the stage saying “that this too too sullied flesh would melt” (while rocking awesome tights), you’re going to go home every day feeling like a failure no matter how successful your career is. You may be married to an incredible person, with wonderful kids- but if every day you carry wounds you are ignoring and never healing, your relationships will suffer. The answer isn’t finding someone else who abrades you less- it’s dealing with why the abrasions are there. And here’s the secret: your hurts, while perhaps incurred in the process of dealing with one person or another, may not be their fault.
The problem may be a kink in your own spirit which you simply ignore.
So what is the answer to better interpersonal relationships? It’s not know other people better, or to choose better people to know. It’s to know yourself, to heal yourself, to feed yourself the right foods. Once you are strong and happy, you’ll be able to have a great relationship with even the most abrasive of people. Why? Because when you come from a place of strength, your strong heart bleeds happiness into everything you touch- even other people. A weak heart saps energy and turns everything into dust.
So know your heart. Feed it what it needs to be fed. Once that happens, you will be indomitable.
Husbands, Love your Wives
*drumroll*
Ephesians 5: 25-33 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Much ado has been made about wives “submitting” to their husbands. I feel the need to point out that the passage about submission starts out with a blanket statement to all, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” It’s not just WIVES submitting to HUSBANDS, people, it’s ALL of us, submitting to EACH OTHER. As I am called to submit to my husband I am also called to submit to my pastor, my fellow believers, my employers, everyone. Obviously, given this case, we all seem to misunderstand what submission in this context means. It does NOT mean subordination, it does NOT mean becoming an extension of someone else’s will. By submission it means what in other contexts is called meekness, humility, cooperation. It means allowing ourselves to become servants.
How many times did Christ command us to become servants?
Now, as for the husbands: they carry, by far, the greater weight in this passage. Three verses are devoted to the women as opposed to eight reserved for the men. Women are told (paraphrased) “submit to your husbands as before God, for Christ is the head of the church, so submit to your husband as you would to Christ in everything.” This only truly makes sense when followed by the verses devoted to the husband. And, in fact, Paul’s command to the women can only truly be followed in the letter of the law should the husband do as he was commanded. I, as a woman, cannot submit to my husband AS I would to God unless he is acting on God’s behalf towards me. For when I serve God I can obey him with pleasure in everything, knowing that his will for my life is for my own benefit and all of his commands are good, that his burden is light, and so on. My husband, on the other hand, is fallible. I do not know that all of his plans for my life are solely for my benefit, that obeying him would not be burdensome, and so on. So the only way I can treat my husbands wishes with the same weight I would God’s is if I know that my husband is following God when making his wishes.
Thus, the commandment to wives hinges on the following to husbands: that they give themselves up for her, that they cleanse her with washing in the word, that they present her to themselves as pure and radiant, without wrinkle or blemish, holy and blameless. This command is not all, though! They must love her AS THEY LOVE THEIR OWN BODIES. I love my body a lot. A do a lot to serve it throughout the day: I sleep, I eat, I exercise, I bathe. If my body is sick I have to drop everything to care for it. If my body is in pain I am keenly aware of it and do everything I can to assuage that pain until it is gone. I am inseperable from my body, I cease to be if my body ceases to be, to fight my body’s will is incredibly difficult, as my body is my self.
And that, my friends, is how husbands are asked to view their wives.
Let’s talk about submission. Submission being to put one’s self under the authority of, to serve the will of. Now let’s compare that to the two becoming one, to the will of one being inseperable from the needs of another, to all pain being one and all needs being equal. What is easier to do? To say yes dear, or to feel the pain of the other as keenly as your own, to truly give up your life for the benefit of the other?
My father teaches that all things in a marriage hinge on the husband doing his job well. If the husband is a good husband, the wife would have to be crazy not to want to serve him. If he is doing all things while taking into account her needs as if they were his own, then by serving him the wife is actually serving herself. Obviously in function this is nearly impossible, but in theory it works.
Which is why Paul points out that what he is REALLY talking about isn’t husbands and wives, it’s Christ and his followers. He isn’t talking about marriage as a societal structure, but as a way to demonstrate the breadth and beauty of Christ’s love for his bride.
But the advice works. Husbands, love your wives. But more than that: both spouses need to become each others servants. If he serves her needs as if they were his own and she serves him as if she were serving herself, both are made whole. If either one becomes a lesser partner, someone goes needy.
It’s really that simple.
Wives, Submit to your Husbands
Ephesians 5:22- 24 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
These verses make a lot of women uncomfortable, and even more women angry. (And, don’t worry, girls- I’ll be poking the husbands later in “husbands, love your wives.”)
I think that a lot of the frustration with Ephesians 5- not just with these verses, but with the entire chapter- is that we misunderstand what the end goal is. It’s not in defining lines of who is above whom and who matters most. It’s about helping us to lead happy, healthy lives. We are told as believers to submit to ONE ANOTHER in Christ. Children are to honor their parents, slaves their masters, masters to treat their slaves well, and thusly.
People usually cherry pick the verses about marriage. Why? Well, because the other ones can get sticky. Why? Because no one likes thinking too much about submitting and honoring. Why? Because of that inevitable question: “What about when the other person is WRONG?”
So let’s talk about that, briefly. What if I, as a wife, am unsettled about a choice my husband has made? Or if I, as a parent, make a choice for my child’s life that they feel is wrong? Or if my husband’s employer makes a demand of him that he feels is unfair or harmful? What does a good Christian do?
We should do the uncomfortable thing- we honor each other as before God, and trust God to be a good mediator and the lifter of our heads. Yeah, I know, it’s painful. No one likes reading those words because it means that we will inevitably have to endure hardship in our relationships. It means we’re going to have to go places we don’t want to go. It means we don’t get to have our way. Let me ask you all a question that may not be taken well:
What, exactly, makes us feel like we have the right to have our way?
I’m not being tongue in cheek or sarcastic. I am sincerely asking that question. Where, in the Bible, does it ever uphold someone’s right to be selfish? Where does it say that the wife has a right to demand that her financial security come first? That she ought to undermine the way her husband wants to discipline the children? That if she wants him at home and there’s a boys night out she actually should call him selfish and throw a public snit that embarrasses him? Women can be selfish. (I know, I know, I’ll get to the men tomorrow, I promise!)
God commands us to submit for a reason. Because we, as Christians, need to learn to set ourselves aside. We need to learn to treasure our spouses as we treasure ourselves. And God knows that if the shoe were on the other foot, if we were the ones making a bad financial decision, if we were the ones laying the lines of discipline, if it was a GIRL’S night out that would be missed, we’d want our husbands to put us first. We’d want to feel him honoring us.
And why would he, if we didn’t honor him first?
Submission isn’t subordination. It isn’t saying that we are beneath him by default. It’s not saying that we are less valuable or important. It is our gift to our spouses, our way of affirming our love for them and displaying our trust in them and in God. We submit to show that we trust that they are taking care of us, that they will continue to do it. We submit to honor. We honor to show that we ourselves are worthy of being honored.
Think of each act of putting yourself aside (be it with your husband, your family, or your boss) as a speech. What you are saying isn’t “I am less valuable than you”, but instead:
I love you more than I love myself. And I am strong enough to not always need to get my way.
But, it’s so SHINY…
Inspiration came yesterday in the shape of my son’s obsession with silverware. My little boy loves to get out the butter knives and pretend they are swords, beating them against each other and howling like a savage. Sometimes this is cute- but my husband and I decided that we’d rather he indulge his fantasies with something less pointy. A spatula, perhaps, or the handle of a wooden spoon.
My son is not willing to compromise. He must have silverware, bright and shiny and forbidden.
So several times a day I hear the drawer open, and then it begins. It starts with:
“Fighter*, you can’t have the silverware.” Sometimes at this point he goes ahead and closes the drawer. Sometimes, not. So it continues:
“Fighter, if you take it out I’m only going to tell you to put it back.” There have been a handful of times this has been effective, but usually not.
“Fighter, Mommy would really like you to put those down and close the drawer.” This is generally the time I get the most obedience from him. I’d say eighty percent of the time, which is pretty good for a two-year-old. Although, twenty percent of the time the dance continues.
“You aren’t allowed to play with those.”
He stars howling and dancing.
I go into the kitchen, and make him stop and look at me. “Will you put those back and I’ll get you something else?”
This is where it gets interesting.
“No.”
“You need to put them away, or I will have to take them.”
“No.”
“If I have to take them, you will be punished.”
He will actually think about this, and there are still a smattering of times that he will go back to the drawer and spare himself the time out. But, if it gets to this point, most of the time it will end badly.
And yesterday, I realized- he gets it from me. Because there are times in my life where I know God has told me to surrender, and I’ve ignored him. And God and I have had this conversation. He’s said, “I really want you to let go.” I’ve said no. He’s said, “if you don’t let go I’ll have to take it away from you.” And I’ve said, “NO.” So God has gotten down on his knees and made me look in his eyes and said, “I really want you to listen, because if you don’t listen and I have to take it away, I will have to discipline you.”
And sometimes I’ll stick out my lower lip and walk over to the drawer as if it is a death sentence, and put the beautiful shiny forbidden things away. But more often? I howl like a banshee and run the other way and hide in my closet and wait for the hammer to fall, just like my son.
And I have to wonder why we as humans act this way- because once it gets to that point, to the point where a bad ending is expected and inevitable, how do we get ANY enjoyment from having gotten our way?
*Clearly not his real name, but he probably wishes it was.
Measured out and overflowing.
I debated whether or not I would write a thankfulness post, just because that’s not who I am. I don’t need a written account of all of God’s blessings to remind me how fortunate I am. And I don’t need a singular time of year to make me remember that I ought to be grateful. Gratefulness, for me, is far more a way of life. I’ve learned to count my blessings, to measure good fortune, to always remember that if I’d had my own way with my life I’d be dead and my husband might still be alone and my kids would never have existed- so I know well enough to be thankful.
But then I got to musing on how ironic this time of year has been for me. I have a lot to NOT be thankful for. Our family had a four year run of really bad luck that left us nearly five digits in debt, I’ve been looking for a job for six months and have yet to find one, we still don’t know how we’re going to be able to afford to buy Christmas presents this year, and our budget for buying groceries for Thanksgiving is $10. (And top that all off with a pregnancy scare last month, and I’d have every excuse to just want to scream at God. It’s been a long, hard four years, and we’re just now beginning to come out the other side.)
But that run of bad luck has been sprinting hand in hand with similar good fortune. While our city has the highest jobless rate in our state, and our state’s unemployment rate is TWICE the national average, my husband still has a job. We managed to move into a place that is nearly twice as large as our previous home but with cheaper rent, plus I can have a garden. Usually the winter is the “lean” time when it comes to paychecks, but my husband’s hourly bonus is actually higher than it was throughout the summer. And my book has been selling well enough for us to keep making payments on our debt and not get a judgment against us- so we may make it through the winter, yet. While I have no money to buy groceries for Thanksgiving, we’ve decided to have it with some close friends, and between the two of us couples we’ll still have a proper feast. My grocery list looks like the following: apples, garlic, butter, onions. That’s it. Everything else I need to make all my dishes I have in the pantry- due to some fortunate grocery purchases earlier in the month and a big box of food from my mother-in-law.
There have been so many times in the last month when I wondered where we’d get the money to buy food, or pay bills that were overdue- and every time a check would come in the mail, like clockwork. Granted, I knew this month would be hard and I worked like a devil (or angel as it were) to get my book out in time that we’d have some money coming in- but I never expected things to go as well as they have.
We may make it into the next year without sinking to the level of desperation. And, for that I am grateful. There are a lot more young couples having to be taken in by family than I like to think about. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to make ends meet, especially with our current economic climate.
But for me? I choose not to see the darker side of our current situation. I see a measure poured out and overflowing, I see grace, I see $10 for groceries and still being able to feed my family a feast.
Praise be to the author of our salvation.
A Gay Hypothetical
My mother and I had an interesting conversation over the past weekend. It started with talking about my blogging and, of course, eventually narrowed down to one topic that seems to recurr on this blog: Homosexuality. One must first understand that my parents are staunch conservatives, and my father used to be an associate pastor at a church that left the Mennonite brotherhood because they (that church) couldn’t support the Mennonite association’s gay activism.
My mother kept arguing that we have to be careful about making it sound like sin is “okay”. I, of course, responded that simply having a homosexual orientation can’t possibly be seen as sinful, as having a heterosexual orientation isn’t inherently sinful. My mom reiterated that regardless of one’s orientation one makes a choice on how to behave. And I said, “of course, but think about it from the point of view of the homosexuals. What are their real choices?”
The discussion progressed. We talked about sinfulness in general and how people hear stories about gay men being kicked out of churches but you rarely hear stories about people being booted for being gossips, lazy, or selfish. My mom conceded that point, but also told a story about a woman who she knew of being asked to leave a particular body for being disruptive.
That’s when things started to get really interesting- because I have been around at the inception of people’s questioning their sexuality, and almost ALL of mom’s experiences with homosexuality has been on the other side- homosexuals who have happily chosen to swallow their sexuality and live a straight lifestyle, right down to getting vocal coaching so they don’t “sound” gay.
I explained to Mom the damage done by treating a sexual orientation as if it’s sinful, by being so dreadfully black and white, by making people feel as if they will be judged simply by having questions. Mom conceded my point but asked at what point do we push the issue, do we force the question of holiness?
This is where the title of my post comes into play. I asked:
Consider that a gay man comes to your church because he’s curious about God. And you welcome him, and start him on his journey. Consider that you do not force conviction but instead seek to show him love and soften his heart, and God starts convicting him. He changes his attitude towards money, starts spending less and donating to Charities. He starts volunteering his time. He starts to be more loving. He starts to treat his partner better. He starts to be less angry, less aggressive, more gentle. He shares Jesus with his friends and some of them start attending, and they form a small group which does a lot of good in the community. And his friends, their lives start changing.
In all of this time, in all of the good that is done and all of the evidence of God speaking to this man’s heart, in all of his seeking God, he is never convicted of his homosexuality or his choice to be in a gay partnership being wrong.
At what point do you reject him? At what point do you say, “be straight or get out?”
Or do you trust in his love for God, and let it lay?
Mom never answered the question, and she left the conversation feeling like I’m dangerously liberal- but we both agreed on one thing. The Church has blood on it’s hands- and the way it approaches the issue of sinfulness needs to change.
Gay Marriage Vs. Polygamy and Bestiality
I recently read an article in which the interviewer asked the interviewee “Where is the harm in allowing Gay people to marry?”
The interviewee replied by asking where the harm would be in allowing polygamy. It’s a common ploy, responding with a question that diverts from the responsibility to answer the actual question asked. And, honestly, activists for gay rights should be expecting it by now. The question of polygamy is almost inevitably asked, along with “what would the harm be in allowing a person to marry a dog”.
I will take the time to answer both of those questions.
Polygamy
Aside from the fact that the topic of polygamy makes people uncomfortable, there are other reasons that it’s a bad idea for society. First, let’s look at a society in which polygamy was allowed, a society that most Christians are in fact familiar with. The Isrealites were polygamists. Some of Christianity’s most famous names took several wives. Jacob had both Leah and Rachel, King David had his many wives, including Abigail and Bathsheba, Solomon had his wives as well as his Harem, and a lot of Israelite men found themselves inheriting the wives of dead brothers. Why was polygamy so widespread? Women in those times were not seen as whole beings. They could not own property or legally stand up for themselves. They were wholly dependent on the “kindness of strangers” to get by should they be widowed and they had no one to take them in. And one must also look at the circumstances of the time- the Israelite people went to war often, they were exiled and returned and exiled and returned. This left the men with a shortened lifespan. With men dying young and widows having no recourse, polygamy made sense- give the widow and her children to another man who could use the extra hands to keep his home in order and allow his possessions to grow. Give the woman a man to stand up for her and be sure they are cared for. Polygamy, to say it plainly, served a purpose for such a society.
It doesn’t make sense for ours. Women still have a longer lifespan then men, but our lot in life is radically different. We can own property, seek employment, legally stand up for ourselves. We are just as capable of men in all ways, including being able to vote. There is also the question of the fairness of polygamy in our society. Let’s say that a man can have, oh, fifteen wives. What happens then? Fifteen women marry a rich man, giving him four kids each. Thats sixty kids for Rich Man, all of whom will have a better chance of recieving an education, recieving health care, and finding gainful employment. Poor men, on the other hand, would never be able to support that many kids, or even more than one wife. If we think that the upper class is insulated now- imagine what polygamy would do. Rather than giving billions to charity, a rich man would split his billions among his myriad of progeny. Societal lines would darken.
It could get nasty.
Not to mention the legal rights of the multiple women (or men) involved. Rather than divorce meaning a fair distribution of property, if one of five women were to divorce a man, she may be left with few options. How, exactly, would one decide on a fair distribution of property in a polygamist setting? Would the amount of rights afforded to each woman be equal to the amount of women married to one man? And if that were the case, how many women could we allow each man to have before it would become an unfair burden to each wife involved?
And then let’s talk about the reverse affect- would one woman be able to take multiple husbands? And if that was allowed, how would the burden of siring children be divided? It would be wholly unfair for one husband to father all of the children, leaving the other husbands with no heirs.
I have seen arguments for how gay marriage can improve society- I have seen no such argument for polygamy.
Bestiality.
I hardly feel this is worth addressing, but address it I shall. So… if a man can marry a man, isn’t the logical next step that he can marry his best friend? His dog?
NO.
Marriage is a legal institution, and it was made a legal institution for the protection of both parties concerned. Marriage affords a married couple many rights, including combining wealth and a fair division of wealth upon the dissolusionment of the marriage, health care, visiting rights, parental rights, and the list goes on and on.
Now, let’s say that Billy marries Fluffy. Will Fluffy then be on his company insurance card? Will Fluffy be able to visit him in the hospital? Should Billy decide to divorce Fluffy, will she have partial custody of Billy’s children? Will Fluffy get half the Estate?
Should Billy suddenly, tragically die, how exactly will Fluffy manage as the executor of the estate and a legal parent to Billy’s children that he adopted with her as his wife?
It reads as ridiculous because it is ridiculous. A dog is not a woman. A dog cannot be given the same legal capacity as a woman. End of story!
Gay Marriage
This post is long, so I’ll keep it brief. Marriage affords a certain amount of rights and a certain amount of responsibilities. We’ve already discussed some of the rights, rights that I think should be afforded regardless of the gender of the two people involved. Now, let’s talk about the responsibilities. Let’s talk about the fact that if a gay man adopts a child as a single parent, or “gives birth” due to the miracle of surrogates, egg banks and in vitro fertilization, and he starts to raise this child with his partner, both of them acting as a parent, until the relationship dissolves… having allowed that couple to marry will mean that the child is left with both parents in his life. That is good for society.
Imagine a lesbian couple where one gets breast cancer and can no longer work. Her partner supports her for a time but wearies of it and leaves- as these things do happen. Having allowed that couple to marry means that the sick woman is afforded some legal protection, like spousal support or her spouse having to continue to provide medical insurance until the poor sick woman can get some elsewhere. Unmarried partnerships do not carry such responsibility.
Imagine a gay couple where one partner bought a house, furnished it, took care of it, did everything… and one day he simply kicks his partner out. Allowing them to be married means that the “lesser” of the partners is still given some amount of legal recourse, instead of simply being thrown out with no possessions and no roof over his head.
Marriage is not only a right but a responsibility, a responsibility that I think that homosexual couples should be welcome to share. I realize that not all heterosexuals accept this responsibility- but at least they are legally able to should one or both couples desire the protections it affords.
It would be better for society if all willing people were able to engage in marriage, so long as marriage remains between two consenting human adults.
Question, comments, accusations- you know where to put them. (In the comments, silly! 
)
Family
“Blood is thicker than water”, the saying goes. I’m not sure exactly what it means- but I do know one thing. It’s only true as long as one decides it ought to be true. Familial devotion doesn’t always exist. Family can be as cruel as it can be kind- more cruel, because a girl wants her family to be devoted. She wants to be loved and cherished. She wants everyone else to try as hard as she does to make things keep working.
Sometimes she gets disappointed. I’m not saying this for myself so much as for two gleaming examples of who a girl should be, Amber and SanityFound, who have both recently written posts about being let down by the family we’re born to. But here’s the good news: everyone has two families! We have the family we’re born with and the family we choose. Sometimes we choose our birth families as those who we most love and devote ourselves too. But more often we choose instead our friends, our work family, or our church family as the people we turn to when the chips are down or invite to celebrate when all is well.
I think God gives us the family we’re born to in order to teach us. We’re not always like them. More often we have little in common, and sometimes we find that we don’t even get along. From our birth family we learn that love is not always instinctive. We learn how to make sacrifices to keep the peace. We learn how to cherish someone even when we don’t want to be around them. And all of those things are good lessons, but they don’t lessen the heartache of the moments when you want a hand to hold and all you get is voicemail. Those are the moments that God gives us our chosen families for. They are the ones that teach us about friendship and devotion, about the value of late-night phone calls and the pure pleasure that comes from knowing that we are enjoyed, we are wanted, we are chosen to be loved.
Both families are important, both lessons are needed. But we mustn’t confuse one with the other. One is love that is unconditional, unasked for, given because it is the right thing to do. The other is also love that is unconditional, but it is love that is asked for and given in equal parts, given for the simple pleasure of knowing it is there.
I thank God for the family I was born to, and I am humbled by the one that has chosen me.
Family: It’s a good thing, even when it makes us crazy. (Which, to be honest, seems to be most of the time.)
Joys of Domesticity
I hate the fact that time has turned things like keeping house, cooking for the family, and tending to the yard into things that are by their nature somehow demeaning to women. I find a lot of pleasure in knowing that my family is well cared for. I LIKE a clean house, a tidy and often used kitchen, the smell of a meal cooking on the stove. I prefer spending my evenings in the garden than to sitting around watching television.
I sometimes think about having a career, but I don’t know that it would be more fulfilling than domesticity. I don’t think that being a housewife is my highest or most important calling, I don’t think that it is the extent of all that I’m made for, but it is usefull.
And, hey, if there ever IS a zombie apocalypse, my family won’t have to worry about being well fed. I also am fairly good at going without electricity. Long power outages in snowstorms have sort of prepped me for the end of all things.
I just think that while women’s suffrage was a good and necessary thing, the backlash against being pigeonholed as women has cost us a lot as well. Breastfeeding your child isn’t demeaning, it’s healthy and natural. Caring for your family isn’t a torment, it’s a gift to both family and caregiver. Domesticity has it’s joys and importance. It may not be as “important” as being president, but… How big of a price tag does a happy, well fed and well loved child carry? I’d gladly trade my own dreams for the future for the dreams of my kids.
Not because I’m forced to. Because I want to.
