Thinking about gay people would make me want to vomit in my mouth a little.

For a long time I didn’t feel a reason a reason to question my beliefs.  The Bible had passages that condemned homosexuality, so I felt safe in my prejudices.

Then I turned seventeen, and I was being pushed to the limits of my thinking.  I was already going down a journey of questioning my beliefs.  I stopped reading the Bible to reaffirm why I was right and started prefacing every meditation with “what’s the cost if I am wrong?”  Around that same time, a close female friend confessed to thinking she might be a lesbian.  And another friend came out as Bi.  (Let me just say- someone having a crush on you as well as one of your brothers at the same time- awkward.)  I had to step back and ask myself what was going on.  My friend was not a lesbian because of being abused or because she couldn’t get along with men.  The Bi friend?  Not a whore, a virgin.  So what was this whole “aberrant sexuality on a slippery slope to all out debauchery” thing all about?

Aberrant sexuality was given a new face to me: innocence.  Young kids, like myself, overwhelmed with emotions they were only beginning to make sense of.  Crushes and longings and whispered confidences that were not about sex, but about identity.  Who am I, who do I want to be, who do I want to be it with?  Who loves me, wants me, desires me?  Am I allowed to dream, or have my dreams become my enemy?  Do my thoughts betray me?  Can I ever be loved?

It’s hard enough to be young when you’re what other people want you to be.  It’s hard enough to have your first love when it’s someone you’re allowed to want- but to deal with all of that emotion in the face of rejection, in the face of being told it was put there by demons- knowing if you were honest, you might lose all your friends…  Think of the cost of keeping a secret.  The way it gnaws at you.  Try to remember what it is like to be young, and ask yourself how much it must tear these kids up inside, to feel like they can’t be completely sincere.  They have to hide the truth from their friends.

I’ve seen things I wish I could forget.  Kids at their most vulnerable, questioning their Creator for not making their sexuality normal, hating God for not taking this burden from them, being thrown to the ground and commanded to release their demons.

Regardless of what one truly believes, or why, it is never okay to reject someone in their weakness, to cast them out in their time of need, to belabor them with your good intentions until they are broken beyond repair.

Love.

We have to remember how to love.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

I know that many people have no special fondness for Paul.  They see him as authoritarian and misogynistic.  And I can understand those feelings- the Pauline writings have been used for some time as a tool to subjugate women, cause division, and isolate the weak.

Have no fear!  That is not the only thing those letters are good for.  I love the passage that I started this post with.  It’s a great passage, deeply inspirational, and often overlooked.  “God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”  I think God still works in the same way.  God doesn’t go out and hunt for the biggest, handsomest, most well-respected among us. Man is in the habit of doing that and having it end up badly.  (Look at the example of Saul in the Old Testament.  Man wanted a King, God said, “don’t do it.”  Man chose a handsome specimen- it ended badly.  God chose a young shepherd.  That went better.)  I think there’s a reason that many of the greatest apologists of the Faith come from speckled backgrounds: think of CS Lewis, once a boy contemplating suicide on the bed of the school where he often felt abused by his contemporaries.

Yet God found him there, and called him- even if that call was ignored.

Think of me, a young stay-at-home-mom who has no business thinking she could change anyone’s life.  Yet, here I am.  I have the honor of knowing this blog has crept out into the world and changed things for people.  I believe that change will continue to happen.  Even though I am broken, even though each one of us has been called from a place of weakness.

We’ve been called to shame the strong.

For all of my dear Gay and Lesbian readers: you have been called for a reason.  Your unique struggles and singular voice have been added to this song for a reason.  You are here for a purpose.  Don’t let anyone take that away from you.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not necessary because you are flawed.

What flaw?  The flaw of loving God, of wanting to know him?  The flaw of having an open heart, of loving based off of truth and not expectation?

I know some people may read this post and may say, “but what about sin?”

To which I respond: but what about hope?  The hope that no matter who we are, how far we are from the accepted and the normal, that no matter how hard we struggle against our flesh and cry and fight and need to be accepted and loved where we are at in order to get where we are going, the hope that we are in fact desperately wanted by God?

What about the hope that we can know who God wants us to be?  That we can see it and embrace it?  That when we share ourselves with others, we won’t be turned away?

He chose the lowly things of this world, the despised, those that are not in order to shame those that are.

He chose you and I.

Let’s not forget that.

Ever had a conversation like this?

Man:  Tolerance is a destructive force.  It erodes true belief.

Girl:  If you never tolerate the other side’s point of view, how can you expect to have an honest debate about the issues?

Man:  I’m not going to tolerate false beliefs. How can you ask me to debate the truth?  The truth harbors no debate.

So…  Maybe I’m watering down the true content and exaggerating the real words said for dramatic effect- but the principle remains true to form.  One person takes deep offense at tolerance because in their mind it means allowing an offense to the truth to continue.  Yet, simultaneously he is asking that his own views be tolerated and accepted.  (Or even affirmed.)

Here is the question to ask that man:  Would you rather be right and alone, or tolerant in the company of others?  Because to be so unnassailably intolerant means a life of isolation.  Why?  Because when we go to the grocery store, we are practicing tolerance.  We are offering up money to corporations who do not necessarily support our point of view.  (If you are conservative, check the amount of stores who offer money to left-wing political lobbies- if you are left-wing, check the amount of stores who offer money to right wing political lobbies.  Most corporations do both.)  It is nigh near impossible to live in the United States of America without corporately endorsing tolerance.  Paying our taxes is also an act of tolerance- as I can guarantee that no matter your affiliation, politically or religiously, our government acts on behalf of those you disagree with.

You may say, okay, this kind of tolerance-by-six-degrees-of-separation is impossible to avoid and thus must be accepted.  But let’s take this a step further.  Let’s look at humanity as a whole.  Have you ever (even once) met someone with whom you fully agreed?  We can all find people who agree with our most closely held beliefs, but at some point every relationship experiences differences.  My spouse is someone who I agree with eighty percent of the time- but don’t for a second  believe that the other twenty percent is insignificant.  When it’s things like how to best make eggs, you can roll your eyes and let go.  But sometimes in even the best relationship there is serious disagreement.  What do you do then?  Demand the other person agree with your point of view?  Tear them down until they are forced to capitulate?  Scrape away at them day after day, trying to win them to your side by hook or crook no matter what the cost?

At some point, isn’t the cost of relationship tolerance?  Don’t we all have to love and accept each other despite disagreement, or never know love and acceptance at all?

I was sorely tempted to reply, “Splenda?”

But I held my tongue.  Of course, the original comment was in reply to the “normalization” of “aberrant sexuality”, the kind of language I always feel is used in too broad of strokes.  There are still sects of Christianity that feel that any sex that isn’t intended to produce progeny is aberrant, so how do we define what is or isn’t good?  (A conversation for another day.  Bear with me.)  But in any case, to say that “aberrant sexuality” is man “perverting the natural order” also seems to me to be a bit ridiculous.  It’s defining what is natural, here on Earth, in relation to God’s intent.

Are we really very sure that we know what God wants our planet to be like?

Does God want us to have microwaves?

Does God want us to have cell phones?

Drive cars?

Drink things sweetened with Splenda?

Does he want us to cage animals in zoos?

Feed dogs prepared meals from tin cans?

Wear polyester?

Live in cities?

Watch television?

Buy food that comes in cardboard containers?

Wear makeup?

Dye our hair?

You may think that I’m being sarcastic, so let me assure you that I am not.  Humanity has given shape to the world we now live in.  This is not my Father’s world.  From the cement skyscrapers blocking our view of the night sky to the McDonald’s wrapper tangled in the bushes in my backyard, this is not my Father’s world.  This is our world, and the imprint of humanity “perverting the natural order” is all over the freaking place.  I’m telling you, Splenda is perverse.  Sugar ought to be sugar, dogs ought to be treated like dogs, people ought to know how to put seeds in the ground and get food from them.  To think that our daily lives align with the natural order is truly laughable, unless one truly believes that humanity (given it’s dominion) ought to be able to define what the natural order is.

In which case, why can’t two men decide that there are enough procreators out there, and they can love whom they will?

Again, I am not joking around here.  You will rarely read me being more serious than this.  If your argument is against perverting nature, take off that polyester shirt when you’re making it.

Okay, maybe not.

My point remains.  Humanity, (or at least Western humanity) is removed from nature.  Our perception of the natural order is perverted.  We really shouldn’t be making that argument unless we’re ready to give up an awful lot of comfort.

Discuss below.

I wanted very badly to respond to all of the comments I was reading as fully as possible, but Twitter’s 140 character limit was painfully constrictive.

So today I write a blog post, and I hope it reaches the right eyes.

Should Christians be disturbed by the Gay Rights and Pride movement?  Should we reject our American President if he affirms it?

No.

My reasons?

1. Assuming that God “does not intend for anyone to be Gay”, the argument that God is offended by living a gay life only holds water for those who wish to please God.  America isn’t made entirely of Christians, and those who disagree with the tenants of our beliefs should still be protected by societal laws while they lead the lives they wish for themselves.
2. A gay person being protected while living their life with their partner and family does not impugn on my right to live my traditional life with my “traditional” family.
3. No matter what one’s reason, when you have a negative emotional reaction to a gay person being happy and proud of their life, what they read into that is that you don’t want them to be happy.  When we, as Christians, say we are “disturbed by”; “upset at”; or “disgusted with” our President showing fidelity to his gay constituency the message the world gets is that we Do Not Like The Gays.  This is killing our ability to show them God’s love.  I cannot be okay with that.
4. No matter how legitimate one’s complaint may be, when one makes a public declaration as a Christian, one must consider the affect that declaration will have on perceptions of Christ and God.  Our first duty as Christians is NOT to eradicate sin or make sinning more difficult, but to demonstrate God’s love.  We should be showing the value of true discipleship, the fruit of good lives, the happiness and transcendent joy that comes from knowing that Jesus calls us friends.  Showing disgust with sin as a primary reaction negates, in the eyes of those who hear it, our greater message.  It says, to put it plainly, “you’re not good enough for me.”  Is that really the message God would have us get across?
5. When making a public declaration our concern must not only be with what we want to say but with how it is heard.  You may want to say you’re disappointed, but if what people HEAR is “I hate Gays”, perhaps you should share your disappointment privately and say, “I don’t hate gays” instead.

Christianity looks really selfish at times like these.  We look as we need to be protected from sin and we’re offended that more people aren’t thinking about OUR needs, instead of the needs of our gay neighbors.  If we are truly Christian, then we know that Jesus is our strength and our shield.  We don’t need to be afraid.  Our fearful reaction to gay pride shows a lack of faith.

And that is what I wanted to say.

This is an argument I’ve heard before.  “God didn’t create anyone to be gay.”  Nor did God create anyone with the intention that they be a liar, or a cheat, or depressed, or impoverished, or ill, or unfriendly, or bigoted, or…  Well, here’s the thing.  Human beings are, in fact, all of those things.  Aren’t we?  We all have our foibles and our falling short.  And yet… didn’t God create us to be human?  The first man and woman, they were made in His image.  They were Very Good.  But God gave them a choice, to obey or follow temptation.  They didn’t obey, and since then, there’s been a falling away.  Like a copy made of a copy made of a copy made of a copy, humanity may resemble what once was called Very Good, but we’re splotchy and distorted and far from a perfect representation of God’s image.

Like a statue that has weathered a thousand storms, we are made in the form of the artist’s intent, but long ago there was a falling away.  There’s a lot of bird poo and insect skeletons and discoloration and the odd missing limb here and there.  Yes, God made Adam and Eve in His divine image- but you and I bear the image of the fall.

There’s this little nagging detail:  God gave humanity the right to fall away for a reason.  To be holy must be a choice, made freely, not an indictment.  And I strongly believe that inside of each one of us there is a vision of the person God desires us to be.  We don’t need to be reminded of our faults.  A liar knows it’s wrong to lie, those who hate derive no pleasure from it, those who eat to excess have their waistlines to remind them why it’s wrong- every sin bears its fruit, and in a very real way we are forced to consume the product of our fallen lives.  Throughout the Bible one sees a very simple truth constantly reiterated:  the path of Righteousness bears its own reward, and any other path bears its own punishment.

In my eyes the journey to salvation is not undertaken because one hates where one used to be and despises all that dwell there, but because where one is going is such a wonderful place.  It may be a small distinction, but it’s an important one.

In any case, God may not have “created” someone to be gay- but he did create them to be human.  And as maddening as this truth may be, we all have a God-given right to sin.

*small editorial note: sometimes I have to write as if I’ve made the assumption is that being gay is inarguably wrong, which I apologize for.  Constant Readers know it’s a bit more complicated than that.

Now.  I believe that people have a great deal more control over their lives than they are willing to exercise.  Take, as an example, a person who is working in a job where they are forced to carry a far greater load than they can handle over a long period of time.  So daily they come home exhausted, with the realization that if this carries on indefinitely they will burn out.  They feel trapped, helpless.  But are they really trapped?  Are they really helpless?  They have the option to go to their boss and explain that the workload is unreasonable and that if the situation remains the same they will eventually burn out and have to leave the job.  Might this result in them being suddenly fired?  Well, sure, but there’s the possibility of a good outcome.  Their boss may believe that they are fully capable of handling the workload or it wouldn’t all be getting managed.  Their boss may concede.  And what if they ARE fired?  Is it so much worse to be fired now, while still feeling some modicum of control, than to burn out a year later and have to find a new job while feeling lost, dejected, and incapable?

So control yourself.

But I also have an issue with the idea that we can control EVERYTHING.  I have heard people be commanded to control their temptations.  Control their sexuality.  Control their family.  Control everything.  As if the moment we become Christians we are not only imbued with the power to achieve that which God has birthed in us, but that we have become little gods ourselves.

This is unfair.

I am married to a man I love entirely.  And I want to be with no other man.  But that does not mean that the second I married, I ceased any and all attractions to any persons other than my husband.  Do I control my response to these attractions?  Yes.  Absolutely.  But I have been attracted, and I have had to exercise control.

Being a Christian doesn’t mean that we are now freed from temptation.  The power given to us is power to resist temptation, not to cease it.  So how is it reasonable to tell a gay person to just… become straight?  I have always struggled with fits of despair and dark depression.  Every period of sudden change in my life has also been marked with bloody nightmares, crying jags, and feelings of intense insufficiency.  Does the power of God help me to soldier through?  Make me capable of pulling myself out?  Give me the strength to resist the temptation to be utterly ruled by em0tion?  Absolutely.  But here’s the thing:  I wouldn’t be feeling God’s power in my life if I wasn’t facing temptation.

Think about it.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

Actually, I added verse eleven for affect, because I feel it points out something important.  Such were some of them, just as such were some of us.  I find it interesting that the only time I really see these verses quoted are when people are rejecting someone.  When they are rejecting homosexuals and using it as a justification, rejecting a couple known to be having premarital sex, rejecting a drunk.  But what is this verse really talking about?  Not just a few specific kinds of sins, but of sins which all show the same thread: self indulgence.   People who prayed to idols wanted something.  “Fornicators” in that era didn’t think of the cost to their family’s social standing (and the same is sadly true of homosexuality at the time- you couldn’t be fulfilled without leaving the marriage that every man would have had).   The covetous?  Selfish.  Drunkards and Extortioners?  Selfish.

So what’s this verse really saying?  “Selfish people won’t inherit the kingdom?”  Why?  Because they aren’t looking out for the kingdom, they are looking out for themselves.

And yet that verse is generally brought up for a selfish means: to reject someone.

Now, let’s look at a few more sets of verses:

1 Peter 3:9-10

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

1 Corinthians 7:13-15

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.  For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

These verses, along with other verses, have been used for centuries to command wives to know their place and stay with abusive men.  Let me tell you a story.  I know of one church where a man was emotionally abusive to his wife consistently and physically abusive to her on occasion.  He would not take a reprimand about his behavior towards her.  He only showed an attitude of apology when she left- but as soon as she returned, HE returned to his manipulative and cruel ways.  Eventually she tired of the cycle, and she left him for good.  But what was the end of that?  Her church left HER, they rejected HER, because she wasn’t a good Christian.  Well, what about him?  What is Christlike in telling your wife she is worthless, in slapping her around and demeaning her in front of your children?  And yet, the verses that could (and perhaps in some situations SHOULD) be used against the abusive husband, the man who suffers from fits of jealous rage, are reserved for use with the homosexuals.

And the wife, the victim, is the one who is sent away

Please, someone, explain this to me.

Because I certainly don’t understand it.

Is the Bible our best source for truth about Christ?  Absolutely.  Did Christ strictly follow the religious code of HIS time?  Absolutely not.   What I have learned by reading that good book is that questions of sin and salvation run far, far, far, far, FAR deeper than following lists of rules.  It’s a balance of faith and works that even the most eloquent of passages cannot clearly explain.  You could go your entire life trying to understand, trying to achieve, trying to explain… but you’d never get all the way there.

If there were a simple equation, don’t you think Jesus would have told it to us?

But what did he say? Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, and mind…  And love your neighbor as yourself.

All the Law and the prophets hinge on it.

Hm.

So here’s the point:  The most important question will never be what is sin (or what isn’t).  The most important question will always be if we are trying.  Are we trying to hear God’s voice?  Trying to better ourselves?  Trying to leave behind what we can demonstrate is a wrong being?  Sure, someone may be gay, but if they’ve heard God telling them to be less cruel and more patient and give more and help in their community and they are doing all of those things, doesn’t that mean something?  Demonstrate their true heart?  Or is the ONLY important measure of our commitment to God found in our sexuality?  Because if that’s the case, I know a lot of straight Christians that haven’t got a chance.

So please, let’s have this conversation.  I want to.

Just stop insisting that the most important thing is that homosexual acts are sin.

I have several problems with that statement.  The first is that suddenly Christian seems to be redefined as Person Who Believes As I Do For The Right Reasons.  I think it’s wholly possible for someone to be a Christian and not share my doctrine.  For example, I don’t think my harshest critics aren’t Christian.  In fact, I believe that I am in no place to cast judgment on their faith.  A greater issue, though, is the fact that I feel as if the critics weren’t able to get past their fervent opposition to the idea of homosexuality long enough to fully digest my post.

Why do I say that?

Because I never said being gay was awesome.  I tried to outline the reasons most Christians use to affirm their rejection of gay people whole cloth, and then to point out that those excuses end up being counterproductive, and if they were applied to ALL sins, the pews would be empty.  How is that saying, “really, being gay is a-okay.”  I never even questioned the belief that homosexual behavior was condemned in the Bible.  (Although I did poke at the common interpretation of Romans One, which could raise some serious hackles.)

I feel as if my posts aren’t truly being read.

So, I will once again try to explain my beliefs.  But, instead of using homosexuality as an example, I’ll use something a bit less controversial.  (And all apologies to any gay readers that may find this an unfair comparison:  I know, it really is.)

Imagine a drunk comes to your church.

What do you do?

You may well be afraid that he will tempt other members to drunkeness.  You may worry that your children may think his drinking is “cool.”  You may have many valid worries about what sort of an example he is setting, or if Satan sent him to your church to be disruptive.

But what does God call you to do?  Does he call you to send the guy back out into the streets, only to come back when he no longer drinks?  Isn’t that tantamount to cursing him to a life of sin?  Isn’t the power that he needs to overcome found in God, and thus necessarily needing to be demonstrated through YOU?

Obviously if the man is throwing chairs and puking in the aisles, you don’t want that on Sunday mornings- but if he isn’t openly and belligerently disruptive, isn’t the best move to walk beside him in grace and compassion and pray that God (not you) brings him to a revelation of his weakness?

Or imagine a less obvious sin.  Imagine a husband comes to your church, and over the course of a few months it becomes obvious that he speaks to his wife in a snide and combative way, and it is emotionally abusive to her?  Do you then cast him out and tell him to only come back when he’s ready to overcome his pride and cruelty?

Obviously there comes a time, in any situation where sin is “obvious”, where you tell the sinner that they need to make a commitment to change.  My issue is that I feel that most churches handle this issue badly now- and not just with homosexuality- with ALL sin.  We feel that WE must cast conviction, that WE must pass judgment, that WE know man’s heart.  And guess what?  We don’t.

We need to learn to trust God to do His own job.  If someone is seeking God, and God is seeking them, God will speak to their heart and call them to change.

And for the time being, let’s trust each other.  Show each other love and compassion, understanding and true friendship.  Let’s not allow our house to become divided.