please, DO think of the children

Every time gay marriage is mentioned, someone eventually says something along the lines of:

“But think about the children!”

The nuclear family is eroding, family values are plummeting, one can only imagine how the next generation will turn out…

My inevitable response is, “yes, DO think of the children.”

Given the state of affairs in America, shouldn’t every single child that could have a loving family be placed with one? Shouldn’t gay people who want to be parents have that chance? What is better: that a child have no home, or two fathers? Personally, I believe that every family is flawed. Every parent has problems, every relationship has strain. It is impossible to raise a child in an environment where they will be exposed to no pain, no criticism by peers, no sin. There are going to be straight parents who fight and divorce, kids with two sets of parents, kids raised by people who are “less than seemly” to say it simply. Given that fact, I personally would say that anyone who loves a child and wants to raise it should be given the chance, assuming that there is no abuse or potential for deep harm.

I just don’t think that someone being gay is enough harm. What if the parent was straight, but a serial cheater? What if the parent was straight and left the mother of the child for a younger, sluttier model? Is modeling that behavior somehow WORSE than homosexuality?

So I say, please, DO think of the children. And ask yourself if the worst thing a parent does is love another person of the same gender, does that somehow disqualify them from parenthood? What if they love their kids, hold them when they can’t sleep at night, make them homecooked meals, send brownies to the teachers, do their homework with them, hem their pants, and also hold hands with another man? Does the last item make all of the others mean less?

I don’t think it does.


10 thoughts on “please, DO think of the children

  1. Oh my… Get ready for the stones to be cast with this post!!!!!

    I know a lesbian couple who is raising a child. Jack is one of the most stable and well adjusted children I know. He doesn’t question who his parents are. He knows exactly. He is secure in his knowledge that he is loved. He leads a completely NORMAL life. He goes to soccer and music lessons. He has birthday parties and tons of friends. He has loving parents that put him first. Wow, what a concept.

  2. I teach in a somewhat rural elementary school. Our children suffer in many ways: poverty, drug-addicted parents, divorce, hunger, neglect, physical and emotional abuse, and even sexual abuse. I witness the effects of this daily. None of the more than 200 students come from a home with gay or lesbian parents. there’s plenty to be concerned about when it comes to the kids, gay parents are the least of our worries. It’s the straight parents that seem to be screwing up these kids!

  3. Amber: I’ve got my shields up! A little friction is good for growth. I don’t mind!

    Keltic: Seeing as most kids are abused by heterosexual relatives… *sighs* I just wish people would think more.

  4. Excellent post.

    I have never understood the mentality that would rather have a child live a transient life in foster care, or other unstable situation (not bashing foster care, I’m sure many provide excellent care, but it isn’t permanent) than live life as a loved and cherished child of two people of the same sex.

    There are plenty of other ways for parents to harm (even unintentionally) their children.

    I don’t remember who said it, but I think there is a quote that says something about if you must err, err on the side of love. So IF (and that’s a big IF) allowing gay couples to adopt/in vitro, etc is an error, at least it is an error on the side of love.

  5. I watched an interview of Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly done by 60 minutes where Bill O said that he is fine with gay adoption as a last resort. IE: If the choice is a child being raised by the system and the child being given to a responsible gay couple he feels that the gay couple is better than the system. Now I find BillO to be a pretty big douche at the best of times, but he’s influential, maybe he can convince a few people to rethink their ignorant stances and broaden a horizon or two as well.

  6. I am a gay parent. Every thought I have and every decision is based on what is best for my children. I will never believe for a second that my kids will be harmed by having a wonderful, loving woman in my life.

    But on the other hand they would have been hurt by seeing the “legal marriage” that I was in with their father. There was no true love or respect and I didn’t want my kids to think that was what marriage was about. So gay parents don’t hurt kids. Society that feels the right to judge will.

  7. Your words were exactly my thoughts. I have often been perplexed with the ‘issues’ people have with the idea of gays adopting – there are so many children out there that need homes and so many loving, willing gay parents.

    My parents once fostered a girl who had been given up by her mother due to her not being able to care properly for her (because the mother had five kids to five different men). She was given to her father, who then molested by her. Then she was handed into the government system who relocated her constantly. By the time we fostered her it was too late.

    I think if she had just been given to a couple who did not have children (usually gay couples) it would have worked out nicely, but everywhere she went the people already had kids and would constantly compare her level of maturity to their own.

  8. Everyone: thanks!

    wvhillcountry: so, so true. Harm can come in so many ways from so many places- at least any harm that could proverbially come from your children not having a father in their home will be balanced by their having such a loving and committed mother.

    goldnsilver: It really is so horribly tragic. The amount of transient children in our country is something that needs to be addressed. It’s awful that you experienced it in your own family, and I just hurt for that girl.

  9. Shush,

    Although my kids no longer live with their father, they have finally gotten a relationship with him. He would come home from working 40 hours at his job then 20 or so more working the farm a week. He was exhausted but he was missing out on having a relationship with his sons. When we seperated 18 months ago he realized what it was he was missing. The kids and he now have a great relationship. So maybe thay don’t have parents that are married, but they finally have a mom and a dad.

    THe marraige was void of any true love or respect, but their father and I are getting along better now than we did for the 12 years we were living together. So although we are not a traditional family in any sense, we are better for the kids.

    So a child being raised by gay parents who love and support each other can be a beautiful thing. I was a social worker for my state and saw many kids being bounced from home to home. Some homes were great and some homes just wanted the income from the state. A stable home no matter the orientaion is better for a child than being bounced around with no security.

  10. As with the debate in the media about equal marriage for gays and lesbians, as long as a child is being raised in love, respect, admiration, safety, and opportunities for growth, there is no need to believe that the children will be harmed in some way. Our child is one of the most resilient, strong willed, independent confident and secure children in her circle of friends; we have been around for her always in her life, and she knows that she can depend upon that. We ALWAYS let her know how much she is loved, and isn’t that what raises a healthy child????

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