Gay people don’t need you to fix them

This is a postscript to my previous post, because I feel I’ve unintentionally caused good people pain by using language that portrays gay people as being broken, or to put it in other words, in need of fixing.  So I’d like to clarify.

Gay people aren’t any more broken than anyone else.  Yes, God calls us to the broken.  But by saying that, all I mean is that he calls us to each other.  We are all broken.  And whether or not one person is in need of more fixing than another is ultimately between that one person and their Creator, as it’s the Creator that will be the one doing the repairs.

We take each other’s sins too personally.  We get too involved in picking at each other’s specks and faults and get so wrapped up in appearances and desires that we totally miss the bigger picture.  That picture being that if God only used the perfect, we’d have no Bible, because God would have never moved.  There would have been no one to write about.  Everyone is broken.

So maybe the vast majority of Christians look at gay people and see someone who is “publicly sinning”, “unapologetic”, “hedonistic”, and the list goes on and on.  I look at them and see someone who was created differently, has different needs and desires and ideals, and is passionately loved by God.  I look at them and I want to talk to them about what their life has been  like by being forced out of adhering to stereotypes.  Because I’ve always been able to choose the life I wanted, because my biological makeup and my desires and other people’s expectations seemed to mesh.  I want a family, I’m heterosexual, people expect me to procreate in the normal manner- so I do! Christ that’s easy!

But I’ve known people for whom it wasn’t easy.  People who wanted babies and to give their parents grandbabies and they were gay, so it’s not easy.  Their sexual orientation broke their hearts.  And that is why I call them broken- not because I think they need “fixed” but because I feel the pain of someone who is forced outside the norm, forced to feel different, to be neglected, to be rejected by their faith.  We don’t need to fix them- just to embrace them.  To say that we won’t judge them.  To try to have a conversation.  To try to understand.

So, gay people reading this post: know I would never mean to marginalize you or to treat your sexuality like something petty.  It’s not.

And Christians reading this post:  For the love of God try to look past the sin issues and your own personal stereotypes.  It’s not a sexual orientation that you’re talking about, it’s also a person.  A person God loves.

That’s all.


12 thoughts on “Gay people don’t need you to fix them

  1. I completely agree with everything you say. It’s hard to express such thoughts without someone taking it the wrong way. God loves all his children and we face all trials in life to better ourselves, and to pass the test of self acceptance.

  2. Lindsey,

    I cracked up with your tags. I’ve never seen oops as a tag on any blog but darn if I’m not going to use it in the future. Lord knows I’ll probably need to more than a few times. And I must say, it’s refreshing to see sorry and Christianity side by side as well. Now that’s something people really need to see more in this world.

  3. I must admit that this “issue” remains a difficult one for me (personally). I am pretty sure I can say with confidance that I do love all people regardless of sexual orientation.

    What I find most difficult to understand is the bi-sexual. I have difficulty seeing the bi-sexual as a person who will just go with the feelings of the moment. I mean how can you be orientated one way then that orietation some how changes? I will leave myself open to this by saying that I am ignorant of this.

  4. I’m not speaking as a bisexual but my understanding and experience with those I know who are is that it’s not a matter of having changes attractions but being open to attractions for both men and women. A person who’s exclusively attracted to the same sex is at one end of the spectrum and a person who’s exclusively attracted to the opposite sex is at the other. A large number of the population tend to be somewhere in that vast place between the two, perhaps having passing thoughts or fantasies they’d never act upon. Bisexuals fill out the center area. Honestly, I think it would be an interesting world if we were all bisexuals because who we fell in love with would be truly the person and not influenced by their gender.

  5. Lidnsey, Confession time here, but I never comment the first time I read a post of yours. Coming from the perspective of a gay woman that has had many people tell me that I am broken and wrong and condemned or pick what ever you like, in reaction to that I unfortunately sometimes work from self preservation mode.

    I have been a reader long enough that I know that you move out of love. So it is easy for me to read between the lines so to say. It is easy for me to see that you write out of your love for humans, all humans. But still I need to read things a couple of times before I can clearly state my thoughts on it.

    But know this is one grateful gay person who enjoys all you write. I am grateful for your understanding and it doesn’t really matter if we have different beliefs. You respect all who enter into the conversation. All that to say good job and keep writing. I enjoy your posts.

  6. Lindsey: You really are a total gem. My candor here is only because I so respect your opinion and I totally admire your writing; you really are gifted in putting words to the page. Thank you so much for this one; you have me sitting at my monitor with a lump in my throat. Please know this, that every time I come to your blog, I feel heard, understood, and like a human being, a lesbian and a Christian all in one. It is a beautiful thing…. Please, keep doing what you are doing.

    And, what Anita said re: bisexual orientation: DITTO!!!! peace out, Vanessa

  7. Lindsey – brava! I would LOVE to see you and Leeane Payne doing a public discussion/debate. (See how she uses the words “broken” and “brokenness” to apply specifically to anyone who isn’t strictly heterosexual.)

    Yes, we are *all* broken, because we are all human.

    Thank you so much for this post, and for the one immediately before it…

  8. Lindsey, I forgot to mention in my previous comment….but one of the things I love most about you and what you write is the ability to empathise with poeple different from you. I feel that you really try to understand the position of gay Christians and straight Christians and everyone in between. You try to understand everyone and in doing that, you open God’s LOVE to everyone. Thank you! And I really mean that. You are a blessing to the straight and gay world. Someday it will be the same world, but until then you bridge the gap beautifully.

  9. Pingback: Some excellent reading from my sister in faith at Emphatic Asterisk « Gay Catholics

  10. Hello Lindsay,

    Nice post. I am a lesbian. I may be “broken,” but I don’t want to be fixed. I am at peace with who I am. I become very irritated when people…fundamentalist Christians…do try to “fix” me, especially through state and national legislation. Especially by blocking my rights as a human being. Or by failure to protect me from those who would harm me. I am still trying to figure out why some Christians feel the need to do that. My “sins” are my own, and I am quite happy to take responsibility for them. I really don’t appreciate the legislated “help.”

    Pat at

  11. Everyone: thank you! I’m honored to have so many people respond to my posts.

    Anita: It’s the first time I’ve tagged something oops myself, but I’m sure it won’t be the last. 😉

    M54 and Anita and everyone else who joined in the discussion on bisexuality: too much to respond to in a single comment. I’ll percolate on it for a few days and write a post.

    Vanessa: I appreciate the candor. 🙂

    E2c: Oh, I would cherish the chance to get into a debate. The idea that people who are different are somehow fundamentally flawed just chafes my hide!

    Kelli: I adore how honest you are, really. I’m so grateful to be able to write what I want to, and to have it reach people, and to hear their responses. I know it’s a bit cheesy to say but it really is such an honor to be appreciated for no more than doing what I most love to do. And I get that you don’t always comment right away- the topics I tend to write around are fairly substantial, they hit people hard, they can spark argument, people feel strongly and it’s good to think about things and think about what you most want to say.

    Pat: I’ve said it once, I will say it till I die: Nothing good can come from legislating morality. If moral behaviors become induced, they lose their moral value. And I agree: it’s about more than equal rights, it’s about human rights, and you should be afforded every benefit and protection that I get by nature of being born with the “right” sexuality.

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