I’m not gay.

Every once in a while I need to remind the world of that fact.  (Oh, and I had a lovely vacation and have been working my tush off since I got back, still working on being able to post regularly.

But, back to the subject at hand- I am NOT gay.  I am madly in love with a man.  I am deeply attracted to him on both a physical and emotional level.  We have two wonderful children together, whom amaze me daily.  I love my life, I love my husband, I would not choose a different existence.  I am fulfilled by my marriage as much as any person ever can be.  (That meaning, yes we have issues and troubles and moments of frustration, but I believe that fact only goes to demonstrate our devotion- I am with my husband because I love and chose him, and no other reason.)

I do not secretly wonder if I am a lesbian- I do not write about homosexuality because I’m trying to assuage my own sin.  I don’t want to make being gay “okay” so that I can leave my husband and go do gay things.  I write about homosexuality because ten years ago my best friend told me she was with another girl, and she was sure it would end our friendship.  I write about it because six years ago I watched a young man lose his faith in God when God didn’t heal his sexuality.  I write about it because most Christians don’t know anyone who is gay- or at least don’t know that the people they know are gay.  I write about it because sexuality has created a huge and yawning divide in Christianity, and someone has to be willing to put their foot across the gap and risk being dirty.

I write about it because, honestly, I don’t know how not to.  I care, therefore I write.  I can’t stop caring, so I can’t stop writing.

But am I gay?  No.

/end rant.


12 thoughts on “I’m not gay.

  1. You asked me about a link… The Lesbian Said What; I apologize immensely for my judgement. I am erasing the blog. Please forgive me.

  2. I read your blog regularly because of the topics addressed. I admire you facing up to the challenge that too many churches demonize in an effort to condemn anyone different. I find myself ministering to too many in prison who have been badly burnt by church and attitudes that are not consistent with Jesus being amongst the marginalised. I am fed up of ‘respectable church’ not wanting to embrace humanity as God has in the past and still does, regardless of faults. Carry on!

  3. Lindsey, you want to know the strangest thing? I woke up thinking about this today, before even seeing that you posted about it. Not wondering about whether or not you are gay; I have known for a long while that you are not. But thinking on the fact that you have written this beautiful book, which I am still trying to get to reading, and how I will have a vehicle through which to hopefully, have some meaningful dialogue about this topic with my church. How you give of yourself by speaking about this so passionately. How few and far between our allies really are.

    And I absolutely love you for it. No, seriously, I love you. You are a beautiful person.

    And, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing, and writing, and speaking out. Just because Christianity doesn’t think that they need to hear it doesn’t mean that they don’t……

    I am glad to see you back. V.

  4. “I do not secretly wonder if I am a lesbian- I do not write about homosexuality because I’m trying to assuage my own sin.”

    I find it interesting – actually – that it’s often the people who are extremely anti-homosexuality who end up getting caught in homosexual trysts.

  5. “I don’t want to make being gay “okay” so that I can leave my husband and go do gay things.”

    I kinda had to chuckle at that one.

    Glad you vaca was nice. Good to have you back.

  6. ketch22: All is forgiven, and thanks for being an honorable man. I hope that you stick around and read my blog more. It’s not about sin- I never say whether or not I believe homosexual acts are a sin- it’s about getting past the question of sin and loving people as God loves them. I believe that regardless of whether or not a person sins, that person is sought by God, and we should demonstrate Christ’s love for them. Yes, sometimes that means calling them on their behavior, but more often it means forgiving them endlessly, and treating them with compassion and understanding. It means more than judging off of what is easily apparent and seeing past the flaws to the whole person. We’ve both been guilty of doing this badly- you made false assumptions about me (that I may be gay, that I don’t believe in God’s law or forsaking the flesh) and I also made false assumptions about you- that you lacked humility, that you are judgmental. I hope this can be a lesson to the both of us.

    aavey: One of the greatest men I’ve ever known was guilty of manslaughter and jailed for a very long time. Yet he came to know God and be totally transformed. Judging people and making it harder for them to know God and be known by him- it’s just a total travesty. You never know what someone can become if you just love them well.

    Vanessa: Thank you so much. It’s amazing the journey God has taken me on this past year. I can only wonder how much further we will go in the coming year! It’s breathtaking.

    Hayden: Often those that scream the loudest are trying to distract from their own guiltiness. I hope to be known for being a more reasonable voice!

    mssc54: *lol* I’m glad to be back! I missed this place.

  7. I read this post and though, “YIKES who would have insinuated such things?” I mean really. But then I got here and followed the thread and see what happened. I am glad it turned out OK. And your post will undoubtedly speak to many even though it was an “answer.”
    PS- about half way through the book… important work!

  8. Hey Lindsey, It is great to see you back. Glad you had a good vacation but girl, you need to write more 😉 It is funny the assumptions made without knowing the person. But unfortunately we are all guilty of it from time to time. I’m glad to see things are working out. Take care and write soon. I was having Lindsey withdraw.

  9. Thank you for saying what so few Christians will!

    How quickly we forget that the Bible says to hate the sin, but love the sinner. Even if Christians do believe that homosexuality is a sin (and I am one who does not), Christians (as a whole) have a long way to go toward “lov[ing] the sinner.”

  10. I have always had a huge issue with this “hate the sin, love the sinner” line.

    I am appreciative, Kevin, that you are a Christian who does not believe that homosexuality is a sin. I wish you were not in the minority.

    My issue is with those that use this line who do believe that it’s a sin. I think it’s a total cop out when used in reference to homosexuality. The fact that I am gay is a part of me. It is not something that can be excised from my being or seperated out. Therefore you cannot hate the sin but love the sinner because to do that is to only love the parts of someone that fall in line with your beliefs and I don’t think you can only love parts of a person. It’s all or nothing, baby!

  11. Thanks, Clint, for your comment. I’m not sure if I completely agree, but I certainly understand your perspective.

    Mostly, that “hate the sin, love the sinner” comment is something that come to my mind frequently in dealing with my own mother.

    I live in San Francisco and I remember one day when she was visiting me (She doesn’t know I’m gay)and we were on the bus. I was looking out the window on my right side and suddenly I heard my mother say, “Ick!” I looked up and saw that she was looking at a guy who she perceived to be gay (I don’t think he was) and when I asked what she was saying, she said, “That Fag. His spirit just grates against mine.”

    This seemed like a decidedly un-christian response to me. “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.” Those words are in the Bible and even if I can’t convince her to agree that being gay is not a sin, I’d like to at least be able to convince her to treat homosexuals with decency and respect. Even if we don’t completely buy into the concept, It’s using “their” words to communicate with them.

    I agree that being gay is part of who we are, and not something to be hated. I guess I’m just looking at baby steps for those who would do the hating.

  12. I’m completely sympathetic to your situation. I was lucky enough to have grown up in the liberal suburbs outside of San Francisco where it wasn’t nearly as difficult for me to come out to family and friends as I’m sure it is for others that live in smaller, more conservative communities.

    I’m not claiming to know anything about you or your circumstances, but, isn’t it logical, if your goal is for you mother to treat gay people with decency and respect, that she learn that her son is gay? It is much easier to say hateful things about people we don’t know and don’t understand. If you’re waiting for her to come around to a new way of thinking before coming out to her, I have a hunch you’ll probably be waiting a long time.

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