Feathery Tendrils of Joy.

While my last five posts don’t lead directly to my present life, I find it impossible to write about the last four years with any clarity.  Did I make it back to the arms of the church?  Yes, I did.  The various church relationships I’ve cultivated have led to happiness and broken hearts, discipleship and loss of faith.  I’ve seen young kids ostracied for questioning their sexuality, I’ve seen parents blame the youth leaders for circumstances outside their control, I’ve witnessed as person after person applauded a sermon about “24/7 spirituality” only to leave the trappings of their faith at the door.  But that’s not all I’ve seen- I’ve also seen churches rise en masse to help the needy, I’ve seen volunteers show up in such great numbers that they had to be turned away.  I’ve seen lives changed because of the faithfulness of friends.  I’ve seen pregnant teens struggle with the consequences of their choices, learn new maturity, find the Father’s love in the wake of their own broken hearts.  I’ve seen loss of faith and faith regained, brokeness and beauty.

I’ve learned to feel joy in my faith again.  Part of the reason it is so hard to write about is simply because joy is insidious.  I believe that there are times where people change overnight.  I have met people who can give incredible testimony of God coming into their lives and changing them so radically that their friends could no longer recognize them.  But is that how it normally happens?  No.  We go through situation and situation, mountain and valley, drought and monsoon.  Somewhere along the way the change happens- but oh so slowly.  Just like aging, like the metamorphosis of a butterfly, like carving a statue out of stone.  

Somewhere along the journey I felt the tendrils of joy creep back into my heart.  Feathery and fine at first, but it grew and grew.  Somewhere along the way I saw how I pictured myself changing.  I started to feel more sure, more positive.  I went from questioning my call to proclaiming it.  And parts of what I was meant to do I simply stumbled into by chance- like the time I wrote an “open letter to the church on homosexuality” on my blog, which earned me a never before seen sixty comments.

Somehow I ended up here, writing this to you.  I’m not entirely sure how or even why- I’ve guarded my own story closely on this blog.  Yet one day I felt a nudging, the kind of nudge I’ve learned not to ignore.  So I gave away my secret faith.

I hope it helps you.

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8 thoughts on “Feathery Tendrils of Joy.

  1. I really needed to read about faith joy right now. Beautifully and simply conveyed. Thank you so much! Even in the midst of my partner being stranded in Idaho (engine quit) with our daughter, 3 dogs and 2 cats… I can see and have faith in the Hand of the Lord who has provided another engine for them to put into her car by tomorrow night… and a motel that will accept 3 dogs and 2 cats. And a Mom who put the rebuilt engine on HER credit card! Drought and monsoon in one afternoon! This is how the Lord moves!

  2. Just found this excellent quote…
    “Jehovah who created all things is equal to every emergency; heaven and earth are at the disposal of Him who made them, therefore lets be very joyful in our infinite helper.” (Spurgeon)

  3. Hey Lindsey,
    Thanks for sharing this. I really appreciate your writing, and I’m glad to hear about your escalating joy! 🙂

    • Haha, I’m glad to write about it! 🙂

      Did you read just this post, or the previous four as well? I’d be interested to hear what you think of the whole package.

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