My life, as it so often does, comes in waves of bitter and sweet which so quickly intermingle on the shore that I am left confounded as to how I’m meant to feel. Specifics are hard to give on this blog, as it is very public and I am by my nature a very private person, but suffice it to say this:
It is a journey, and “journey” has a far different connotation than “stroll”. I do not leisurely idle my way through life, smelling the roses and counting the paving stones. There are periods of life that seem like it, but right now I’m literally trekking my way cross country carrying heavy burdens, conquering the mountains to make my garden in the desert. (I mean that word literally in a literal way, I’m being transplanted out of the Midwest to the far eastern side of our fair country, and will be planting my figurative tent stakes in soil that is alien to these hands.) It is a grand adventure and full of moments of grace and sweetness and what can only be Godly synchronicity, but that is not all it is. It is heartbreaking and back breaking and at the end of the day I often find myself too exhausted to be grateful for what I know is nothing short of the mercy of an ever-loving Creator.
To put it simply: I am so tired I often do not know how to be anything but cross, which is a shame, because I also realize that these are some of the best days of my life.
And that’s life. We take the bitter with the sweet, we find the best days of our lives spoiled by petty annoyances like a bride who breaks down in tears because the fresh cut flowers for the bouquet are either too open or too closed, or her weird uncle Steve embarrasses her with a bridesmaid. At the end of the day, we find it hard to separate ourselves from the divine and the mundane, we find our figurative caramel of quotidian life smeared on the chocolate of supreme happiness and while it may not feel like the dark chocolate peppermint truffle we crave it’s still pretty damn good.
I guess what I’m trying to say, is that the next time you taste a hint of blood in your wine, don’t cry foul. Remember that Jesus Christ himself was both the embodiment of God’s love and our human misery. We would do well to remember that even the most resplendent of lives on this earth was not unmarred by suffering. I believe, that in the midst of it all, Jesus probably saw some pretty beautiful sunsets and stayed up too late at some smashing parties.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to hear more of those stories, right now…